Of The Moon

Why is it that the Ramzan Chand is so easy to spot. Yet the Eid Chand is so hard. Is the Chand Viewing Committee a bunch of sadists?

Of The Shy One

We all loved the Machine Girl

If you haven't seen it, I suggest you go get yourself acquainted by clicking the link above.

Since, Mehreen's the only one who's watched the actual movie, she can click on the movie and start watching it.

For the rest of you, here's a little background. In the previous movie (that's the link to the synopsis) Ami's best friend was killed in the middle of the movie. What was done to her corpse is a necrophiliac's dream. She's somehow revived by Takeshi's dad (who was chopped up into bits by the ninjas that attacked them) Who was revived by god knows who.

Oh and just a heads up. You must be an idiot if you're reading this blog with your family, but even so, the trailer contains exposed flesh and a gun sticking out of a very questionable place.

Oh and "hazukashi" means (I) feel shy

Of "It Was Doomed From The Start"

I spent the entire day just finishing the prolouge of F/S-N.

Considering that the entire novel spans over 16 days and I managed to finish just 3 of them, not to mention all three story arcs (if I save from the point where the choice is made so as not to go through the first 5 days) is a combined total of 46 days.

So it's a hopeless thing.

However, I did manage to find a few screenshots worthy of being sketched.

Oh well.

I updated my about me.

Now, on with the show.

Of An Unexpected Absence

Okay. I'm writing this post because I need some time to myself.

I know I've been posting like a maniac for the last week, which is why I felt I'd give you a heads up.

I just finished my download of Fate / Stay-Night, along with the English patch. And, since it's such an awesome story, I'm giving it first priority.

Yes, I know it's got some hentai in it. Which is why I need to finish it before Ramzan starts, because I'm an actual god fearing Muslim and not some antagonistic wannabe.

So, till the first of Ramazan, which is probably on Saturday, I'm going off the net.

To my friends both new and old, read the old posts to placate yourselves.

To my stalkers. I've removed the moderation from the comments, so that shouldn't be a problem.

To my silent readers. Take a page from Mr Pak Karamu and leave a calling card.

Till Saturday then. Or Sunday.

Cheers.

Of I Visit You!

This guy is freaking awesome! I am going to do the same. From now on, every time I view someone's blog, I'll leave a calling card of sorts.
* cue evil laughter *

Of "It's a Shaadi World After All" -2

If you haven't read part one. I suggest you do that.

Now that you've read part one. I want you all to put on your Imagination Caps, or sit in your Imagination Boxes like this one:

I might sound like one of those hobos you see in weshtern moovish, the kind who warn people about the coming apocalypse. Well, since you've read part one, it won't be a huge surprise that I'll warn you about something related to Shaadis.

Lets get crackin' shall we?

Imagine one day, everything in world goes about their daily life as if they are attending a Pakistani shaadi. Here's how I suppose things would be.

Schools open at 8:00 AM sharp, yet the students show up by 11:00. Once they've had lunch, they go home, irrespective of on-going classes. Homework and assignments can be submitted upon entering the class wrapped in cheesy gift paper. And if you haven't done your assignment or were just lazy you can always hand in a glittery envelope with Rs.500/- in it.

Bombs with digital read-outs will slowly tick to zero, and won't stop no matter what you do. No amount of whining or crying or grumbling or moaning or snipping wires will suffice. Once it reaches zero it will explode after 3 hours or so. You never know the time. In rare cases it might just be a minute!

Speed of Light would be slower than the time it takes for the barat's arrival and the dhulan's makeup combined.

Pets you lavish with love would only stare at you till you give them food and then vanish until the next time they feel hungry.

Examinations will be filled in an undisclosed location (where only those people will be allowed whom the examiner chooses), after which the examine along with his paper will pose for photographs. No examiners will be allowed to appear in the photos.

People who are punctual will be screwed for the rest of their lives, always seen muttering under their breath "mein teen ghantey baad paida ho jata tau saab theek hota meri life mein.... LEKIN NEHI!"

I WANT TO SLEEP! ITS BEEN 30 HOURS SINCE MY LAST R.E.M. CYCLE.

(oh if you want to add something, leave it in the comments, I'll add it)

(Also, I had to get this out of my head. Sorry for putting you though this. Skip if you want.)

Of Bird Flu and Crispy Chicken

Firstly. Educate yourself as to what Bird Flu is in Pakistan:

Now that you know what the Bird Flu is, are you scared? Well, I don't care if you are scared or not. I wasn't scared when the mad-cow disease spread. And I am not going to stop eating chicken because Bird Flu will cause respiratory failure (Have you tried breathing the air on a main road at noon... bird flu might kill you, but that air will definitely kill you)

So, I was hungry and I remembered hearing from someone that KFC has some awesome cheap deals lined up. Since I don't really like pestering the poor Hot-Line person by making him/her go over the menu and then deciding what to get. So, I did what any tech savvy person would do, I Googled them, since I didn't know the exact website address. What I saw in the search results was hilarious.

I did some digging using my dusty and rarely used Internet Explorer (FireFox pWnz) and found out it had a Win32/Rustock.NKU strand. NOD32 classifies it as spyware and I am no one to question NOD32.

Pakistani population may be immune to Bird Flu Variants, but the Internet isn't. I blame the Emos for this. Bastards.

Of My New Avatar

Till now, I didn't really have a display picture. And rather than putting up some random picture, or putting up my own picture when I try so hard to stay anonymous, I wanted to do something unique.

So, staying with the Potato Theme that this blog visually portrays (It Does. Now Shaddap.) I decided to take one unfortunate tuber and fashion it into a proper picture. Being super-adept at handling any sort of knife, I hacked and sliced my way to this beauty.

I came to realise after the hack and slash that washing it was a bad idea, as it removed all the contrast between the skin and the facial features. Also, I froze it to make my carving easier.

And before all the Emos rejoice, that's not my blood but Red Marker Ink liberally drizzled over the tater.

Also, yes... that is a top-hat.

Enjoy.

Of Meet My New Friend

She knows Japani. That is why she is friend.

He likes Anime. Saber in particular. That is why he is friend.

I really should have a more varied criteria for frandshipping, ne?

Of "It's a Shaadi World After All"

Shaadis in Karachi have a unique view on punctuality. The later you are the better. And it's an unwritten rule that if you aren't from the bride's or groom's immediate family you can leave as soon as you've had food.

Majority of the weddings that take place have a very standardised procedure. Unlike America, or Hindu weddings where the Bride and Groom get married in front of your eyes, Muslim weddings in Karachi have none of that. Instead, this is a generic Muslim-Wedding-In-Karachi timetable.

1. Cards are distributed one week or so before the wedding. Cards have the arrival time set for 8:00 PM. If you arrive at the expected time, you're an idiot. The R.S.V.P number is only there if you get lost, as it's expected that you're going to come.
2. Come wedding day. In the morning, the entire cast and crew (Bride, her family, groom, his family, relatives, close friends and the caterers) set their watches 3 to 4 hours back, and start preparing accordingly. This is a case of extreme night-time savings.
   
3. Before coming to the wedding, the bride and groom exchange vows, have a 1-on-1 photo session at an undisclosed and secret location. This is a safety measure the parents have taken so that when the Molvi (Muslim Priest) asks if anyone has any objections no one can interfere. I also assume that everyone the parents are suspicious of is blindfolded before being taken to said location
4. The cast and crew arrives at the place advertised on the Wedding Card. They are greeted with bored and hungry people who weren't told about the scheduled Night-Time Saving. The hyperactive flower throwing committee is only hyper because they were three cars in front of the bridal car.
5. By now, it's no longer the date that was printed on the card, but an entirely new one.
   
6. Next up, photo-sessions. The Bride and Groom (who obviously had some delicious takeout snack on the ride over) sit on the stage beaming, while every hungry soul on the premises gives them dirty looks. Then the parents (who also had food) and close relatives (who are still chewing on the chewy bit in Mr. Burger's Beef Burger) drag all the people nearby for the photo session. Look closely at the photos and you'll see fake smiles and hungry miserable looks poorly touched up in Photoshop. Some people leave during this stage, often heard whispering about eating from the nearest 24-hour takeout or yesterday's leftovers at home.
7. Finally the crew's danger sense reaches it's peak, and they serve food before the guests start a rebellion.
   
8. Menu is generic and can be found here. No sense in posting it again.
9. Guests run home. People have things to do in the morning.

That Ladies and Gents is the basic timetable for a wedding, sans time of course since no one follows time on weddings.

Of A Holy Union Filled With Evil

I am not a Weddings person. I don't like dressing up and sitting at a table like a moron. I don't like the idiot kids who run around like it's their playground. Not to mention, most of the weddings I attend I don't have anyone to talk to.

I mean, it would make my life easier if I found someone or even the kid of someone my parents knew. Sadly, since I don't know anyone and it really isn't appropriate to go up to the stereotypical young crowd table (I also call it the lafunga table for obvious reasons) and demand that they keep me entertained so I don't die of boredom.

Hence, I'm stuck texting people, or making random observations.

So, the wedding I went to last night was at the Pearl Continental. Not that it made any difference.

The people who chose the music were complete morons. They thought classical renditions of today's Indian pop-songs would be a good idea. They played the likes of "Marjani" and "Dhoom" on a tabla with a sitar backup. And their play list was abysmally short. They kept repeating the songs over and over again. Finally someone from the family told them to STFU.

Dad prides himself on being punctual when it isn't required. So naturally since the family said that the groom and his monkey parade will be at 11:00 sharp, we were sitting in the huge hall all by ourselves (and two other families - one being the bride's) at 10:30.

Anyways. The one thing that made me realise the wedding's in Karachi irrespective of whether you're in a tent or 5-star hotel, was when I saw one of the waiters lighting candles and placing them on each table. There was even a centerpiece to hold the candle which i didn't notice earlier as it was obscured by flowers. And after it was done, to emphasise that the candles were there in case of power failure, he dimmed the lights to non-existence, if only for a few minutes.

As always with the weddings I have begun to attend recently, this one was filled with some young Americanised Desis. All thoughts of making them my source of entertainment went out of the window as soon as the group opened their mouths. Their voices were really really shrill filled with likes and totallys. Wah bhai, Alternate-Reality Grammarians.

From a 5-star hotel you expect decent service. Yet our refreshment beverages that they served were a joke. I'm pretty sure the recipe for the said orange or lemon flavored drink would be as follows

• One glass water
• One super cheap Orange or Lemon flavored sweet
  
• Stir until dissolved

We were also joined by one of dad's friends. He looked dead tired. Enough about him, his kid was another drama all together. The kid was the world's biggest sissy. He complained of being dizzy from the lift ride. Hey, he just came up one floor in a slow-ass lift and he's dizzy? To prove his point, he fell to the ground and started rolling. (We being concerned family friends asked his dad if there was some medical problem with the kid. There was none....) Awesome.

If I wasn't threatened into going, I'd be happily sleeping. That or watching Clannad.

Of The Dreaded Wedding

Weddings have such a high amount of rant potential. Why haven't I tapped into this up till now. Did I need a final shove before I snapped?

Right now, I'm dead tired. So rather than write a long winded rant on the wedding I just went to (or any other rants that that wedding made me think up of) I shall announce a small contest.

On the right side of the blog, there's a counter. Whoever gets a screen-cap of the 3000 Hit mark will win (For Karachi Residents) one of my specially made Flower Capsules made with the colors of your choosing delivered by me personally at a public location. (For Non-Karachi Residents) I have no idea what to give... maybe the title of Potato Supporter of the Month, along with their picture on the top right hand side of my blog, since shipping out one of the capsules is hardly worth the postage and it's damn fragile to begin with.

I got this idea from 4Chan. See over there, people go after unique posting numbers like 123456 or 100000 etc, that leads to massive amounts of posting and frankly it's a mindless mess. But it's fun none-the-less

Of an Advert I Saw

I was having a mini dinner just now (mini because I'm being dragged to some wedding god knows where and dad threatened me with bodily harm if i stuffed myself)

While I was having dinner, mum was watching TV. Suddenly this advert pops up

It's about one woman telling another woman how her daughter is a spoiled brat and wants her dad to drop her off to the school-bus.
The other woman is confused.
Then the first woman says that when her daughter came home that day, she confronted the daughter. Daughter said that it's because dad smells fresh whereas mommy stinks. Mommy is shocked and hurt.
The other woman smiles and pulls out a Dettol Soap from her hand-bag and gives it to Mommy, instructing that she should use this soap as it has special enzymes that kill odor producing bacteria.
Mommy uses the soap.
Next day daughter begs mommy to take her to school

Our commercials are so random. See, up to the point where the other woman pulls the soap out of her bag, the chances of the commercial being one about a deodorant were more likely. Also, why was the other woman carrying a brand new bar of Dettol soap in her bag . . . I mean, if it was a partially used one she could have been one of those germ-o-phobes who didn't know sanitary wipes or gels were invented.

Our commercials are also so unrealistic. Does mommy know that a shower each morning is a must? I mean, schools open at 8:00 AM. If she's one of those parents who fixes breakfast for everyone then ... wait

Man! It's such a bother clicking on the repeat button of a YouTube video. Would it kill them to add an automatic repeat button? or turn the repeat button into a repeat on/off button?

Okay, back to where we were. If she's one of those parents who fixes breakfast for everyone etc, she should be up by 6:00 AM earliest. How can one stink so much in 2 hours, unless their current soap actually produces the body odor producing bacteria.

Here's how a realistic version of the commercial should go:

One woman is telling another woman how her daughter is a spoiled brat and wants her dad to drop her off to the school-bus.
The other woman is confused.
Then the first woman says that when her daughter came home that day, she confronted the daughter. Daughter said that it's because dad smells fresh whereas mommy stinks. Mommy is pissed off.
Other woman says, "You are lucky! I just started work at Dettol and one of the company policies is that employees are to keep half a dozen of their new line of anti-bacterial soap with them and give them to people who need it. You need a stronger deodorant... but have a free soap none-the-less.
Mommy puts other woman in a head-lock, knocks her unconscious and leaves.
When daughter returns home, Mommy gives her a warm smile and says "Aagar tumhe mere paseeney ki boo sey itni hi problem hai, to bolo apney baap ko key ek naukarani rakh ley. Nalaik larki, pehley hi school mein fail hoti ho, aur mujhey baatein banati ho. Mein poorey din ghar ki safai kerti hoon aur tum keechar bharey jooton sey poorey ghar mein dan-dana ti phirti ho. Mein saaf suthra healthy khaana banati hoon aur tum school key bahir theley sey french fries har roz kah ker aati ho."
(Translation: If you have such a problem with my body odor, go tell your father to hire a maid. Useless girl, already you're failing in school, who the hell gave you the authority to be a bitch to me! I spend the entire day cleaning the house and you hop around the house in your muddy shoes. I make safe and healthy food for you to eat and you go to the dirty vendor outside the school and have his filthy french fries everyday!)
Then, Mommy takes the soap that the other woman gave her and throws it at the daughter and goes to her room crying.

Okay. I know I should have not included the Urdu dialogue, but, that's where the impact is. Secondly, this advert is made on the assumption that the Mommy is a hardworking housewife. If she wasn't she wouldn't be stinking and thus the advert would lose its realism.

Hope you enjoyed it.

I goes off to get ready for the wedding.

Of Unlimited Blade Works

Since I had some pending issues, my viewing of Fate / Stay Night got slightly delayed. Never the less I finished it last night.

"I am the bone of my sword.
Steel is my body, and fire is my blood.
I have created over a thousand blades.
Unknown to death.
Nor known to life.
Have withstood pain to create many weapons.
Yet, those hands will never hold anything.
So as I pray, 'Unlimited Blade Works'."

Mind you, I made this back when I first saw it (or maybe it was on my third viewing..) Anyways, felt like posting it. That and one I drew of Saber

Enjoy. And if you are into anime, WATCH F/S-N

P.S. I know now not to draw on lined paper.
P.S.2 Click on the images for super-detailed view.