Of House

A man's in his appartment alone, watching TV. The words "and now for our feature presentation" can be seen on the screen. Suddenly, the man drops the remote, starts having a serizure, falls off the couch and begins to bleed from his eyes, ears etc.

He's probably going to die, since no one's there to call 911, so lets not worry about him by enjoying this chopped up instrumental bits of Tear Drop by Massive Attack

House: Okay, differential diagnosis people. Patient presents with

• sudden baldness,
• hoarse throat,
• x^3 + 5x^2 - 7x + 3 = 0

GO!

Smart-ass Guy: What about the bleeding-and-seizure-guy people saw at the start of the episode?
House: He's dead!
Prissy Guy: Really? * burst into tears *
House: Shut up or I will hit you. Focus on the symptoms on the board. Bleeding-and-seizure-guy was the end result. We're looking for the cause to his condition.
Over-eager Girl: Could be Lupus?
House: You've spent 5 years working with me, if there's one thing that's established it's that it is never Lupus. Also generic sexist remark
Prissy Guy: * still sobbing slightly * It has to be Lupus! We're dealing with a wolf!
House: * Whacks him with his cane, knocking him out * Idiot!
Smart-ass guy: If we focus on the alphabet in the third symptom, XXX could mean he's in the adult industry and contracted a virulent STD?
House: Close, but no cookie. He's bald because he shaved his head, hoarse because he thinks it's macho and the third is quite obvious. Wake Prissy Guy up and capture Vin Diesel for me.
Over-eager Girl: So he's not even a patient here?
House: Nope!
Smart-ass Guy: Why?
House: Because I don't like his movies. Time to put him down! * Psychotic Expression *



So. I finished 5 seasons of House M. D. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out that M.D. stands for Mad Doctor rather than Medicinæ Doctor after watching a handful of the episodes. Ordinarily I would have started off by pointing out all the bad stuff, like poor acting, thematic drug-use (which leads little teens to believe that drugs are good) and a doctor who hates you even before you meet him.

Sadly, the scenario above is, despite what it may seem, really fun to watch. Hence the show redeems itself because it's got 3 idiots and a psychotic Hugh Laurie as it's cast.

Every episode is somewhat formulaic with some random guy developing some random symptom and collapsing, followed by House and idiots having a "smart" discussion where House beats down each of their theories as to why random guy is dying the way he is. Pops a pain killer. Then he gets them to break into random guy's house, pops a painkiller, harass his family, pops a painkiller, and do a bunch of pointless and inconclusive tests, after which the patient develops 5 new symptoms. He also yells at idiots for their incompetence, yells at patient for lying, has lunch with some comatose guy, steals lunch off his only friend's plate, hits on his boss, and asks for favors (that test the boundaries of his friendship) from his friend in a random order.

So, his antics have killed around 35 minutes of the airtime. Now, he'll sit in his office, taking painkillers and playing with a ball, have a sudden epiphany and voila, he knows exactly what's wrong with the patient and cures him.

You're wondering what's the point of having idiots on a payroll if House can do the job by himself. He needs someone to insult, to boss around, and to talk to the patient. Actually there was one episode where he replaced the three idiots with a janitor and still got the job done. There are rumors that he's going to use a parrot mid-season 6. Imagine:

House: Patient banged his head against wall till his skull cracked and he started bleeding.
Polly: *Sqwak*
House: But that doesn't explain why it started bleeding
Polly: Lupus! Lupus *Sqwak*
House: It's not Lupus
Polly: Emo Blog! Emo Blog!
House: Close, but he doesn't have a computer!
Polly: Polly wanna Cracker *sqwak*
House: Yes, he might be psychologically ill.
House: Polly, break into Coma-Guy's house, then take a blood sample and ... you might want to ask the janitor to help you out with that...
Polly dons a pair of rubber gloves on it's feet and flutters off.

Watching House has made me realise something really important. The average American's immune system is really weak. So weak that if we were to feed them desi bun-kebabs straight off the vendor's cart, they would die easily. We practically live in mold, have landfills a stone's throw away, have more carbon di-oxide in our blood than oxygen, excrement laced water flooding our streets at regular intervals. Yet we're perfectly fine. Same cannot be said about the Americans.

Back on topic. House has the makings of an interesting show. Hey, the only reason I bother watching American TV is because it helps me focus on my creative tasks, like making flower capsules for sale or whatever you may. Yet, this show was fun enough to put a serious dent in my production speed.

Now, I download the 2 hour special season premier. House vs Mental Asylum. Finally a worthy adversary.

Of The Medicine Cabinet

(Okay, so that's not our medicine cabinet.)

Anyhoo, having a doctor for a dad can get harrowing at times. You know how you have over-protective parents who go "OMG! MY BABY!!" every time they see you fall? Well, dad kinda falls in that category.

See, I dunno if this is because he really loves us, or is trying to update his stock of pills, but this is a typical scenario in our house if you're ever caught doing anything that you wouldn't ordinarily do (it involves a mild cough, throat clearing, or even a sneeze)

Usually, any member of our family presents any symptom like toothache, headache, etc - he'll ask for the medicine box to be brought to him (It's actually one of those 2 litre ice-cream tubs) Then he'll rummage through the pills and pull out at least 3 different kinds. Problem solved.

Unusually, he'll start diagnosing us whether we are showing symptoms or not. Mom complains about a headache, Dad'll chalk it up to Low BP and prescribe a cup of coffee and a salted boiled egg. Sister complains about a stomach ache, she gets to chug down an anti-acid, an anti-ulcer, and a de-wormer.

So get this. I went downstairs last night and dad was in the kitchen chopping chicken necks to make Cat Food. I sneezed for some reason (maybe someone was talking about me behind my back?)

Me: Achooo!
Dad: (without looking up) Take a Panadol CF, an anti-histamine, and a cup of green-tea.
Me: Errr... It was just a sneeze.
Dad: Shutup and do as I say. My house, my rules.
Me: *sigh* *cough* *cough* *cough*
Dad: Drink some cough syrup too, and tomorrow you're going for your blood test.
Me: Errrr... I just inhaled some water... No big deal.
Dad: You're getting a blood test. Final.

Super-Doctor Dad .... is something I'd never dare call him.

Also, I found out that the Blood test people are really wasteful. I'm sure you've seen in western medical dramas when they're taking a blood sample, they first stab you with a special needle, then stick a vacuum-sealed test tube on the other end and it sucks out the required amount of blood.

Here, we surprisingly do have the vacuum-sealed tubes, but not the needles. So, first you get a syringe stuck in you, filled with blood, then stuck into the tube... i wonder what they do with the left over blood...

insights welcome.