Of The Cartoons I Study With

No, not cartoons. That's like insulting cartoons themselves. These people belong in a Zoo. Well, technically so do I, but I bite so they don't dare come near me, not to mention my cheetah like reflexes, though won't save me from banging into static objects, do protect me from hunters and trappers.

Anyways. These unique specimens, are as follows (mind you, due to the sensitive nature of this post, no pictures will be displayed. Use your imagination):

Silent But Deadly

He's one of those silent, innocent kids with a huge beard who've been pampered by mommy a lot. However, he claims to have broken the front teeth of some guy who was harassing him in Inter. Now, this claim alone might scare off people wanting to poke him with sharp-sticks (I'm not one of them - you'll find out why) My sources however tell me that he's one of the most harmless and equally spineless kids on the block. The seniors who travel with him in his van asked him to pay 200/-, he in a fit of jawani gave his entire wallet to them.

Not only that, he’s called silent but deadly because he passes leaks noxious gas. All the seniors in his point are sick and tired of him, and I was unfortunate to sit next to him during a double lecture. Needless to say anyone looking at me would have naturally assumed I was pretending to be a goldfish. Hence, poking him with sharp sticks is out of the question. As a friend of mine says, “Dude – one leak is enough, why make more and suffer the consequences”

Fight Club 

Okay, so we were all asked to introduce our selves in three different sessions. Two of these sessions contained all 82 kids (yes, they’re kids in my eyes) Now, imagine if Barney the purple dinosaur meets you in person and says “Hi, my name’s Barney, I’m soft and cuddly and a serial rapist” Can you wrap your head around it? I mean his image screams child friendly in every way possible. Same is with Fight Club. He claimed that he’s a short tempered guy who usually beats the other guy into pulp.

He looks nothing like it. He’s one of those sickly sweet and annoyingly nosy people. Also he’s dense. I mean, I’m talking to some guy and Fight Club pops in “heeeeellllooooooo gentalmans!” I have tried to ask him to leave, but he never gets the drift. Also, no matter how bluntly I tell him to piss off, he’s got this stupid smile on his face. He’s exponentially worse than the urdu-medium version of me, if such a person ever existed.

3 Idiots Boy

3 Idiots is a stupid movie. I would have actually liked it if every frigging person in University wasn’t quoting it all the time. 3 Idiot Boy is your typical, lazy, bottom feeder who has no worth in the real world. He’s in my group. A friend and I are practically carrying him with us so far. His only worth, bringing a box of smokes for us.

He believes that 3 Idiots is short for “So you want to be an Engineer? Here’s a visual guide to how every Engineering university works. Exact down to the ants roaming in the grass”

So naturally, all you hear from him is “yeh to Virus hai!” or “yeh Silencer hai” or “mein Rancho hoon” or “3 Idiots dekhi hai? Yaad hai Virus kaisey badley leyta tha?..” Dude. Give it a rest and do one freaking assignment yourself.

But I Think

But I Think is a girl. An unfortunate turn of events has placed her in my group. Now she’s useless, and that’s saying something when we’ve got 3 Idiot Boy in our group. She hasn’t got the first clue about using the Internet. On the first day I was in the library sorting my forms, when she asked me to help her with something on the net. She didn’t know how to make an E-mail account, so she asked me to make one for her.  Then, she asked me to make a Facebook account.

The next day, I find out that she’s forgotten her passwords to both things. And I had to send an important assignment to the members of my group, since I’m their leader and all. So, I had to make her a new account and sms her the password.

The reason why her name’s But I Think is simple. She doesn’t listen to anything, save her opinion. It’s so pissing off at times. Especially during graded group assignments. Sad part is we’re stuck with her for the semester.

I Know All

Know it All dude is super annoying. He’s the product of generations of selective breeding of Forum Trolls. He believes everything he sees in movies. His knowledge is unparallel (when it comes to movies.) Oh and his hobbies, apart from being a pretentious dick, include being a wuss and a cry baby.

He reminds me of my bastard of a Khalu. That, however is not the reason why I dislike him. Dude thinks he’s just awesome. He’ll do all sorts of shit just to make us all look bad. Sucking up to the teachers, giving pointless answers just to show everyone that he knows more than the rest of us (even if it’s bogus)

So, naturally Faraz (a fellow Know It All hater) and I have made it our mission to piss him off whenever we get the chance. Recently, we all had to present our Leadership & Motivation presentation. Now, the teacher (who also happens to be our Dean) constantly told us to keep it specific and to the point. Mr. Know It All here, decided to choose such a topic that covers 75% of Engineering, and made a long an seemingly impressive presentation. Dean got pissed. I literally bounced in my seat to be chosen next. As luck would have it, mine was just what he wanted. So for the entire lecture Imo’s presentation was referred to as how everyone’s should be. Know It All got dissed and instant popularity in one swift motion.

The Priest

This guy is like the hyper-evolved state of all the above idiots. He appears to be a normal skinny, mullah (priest) with trousers ending at mid-shin with a prayer cap super-glued to his head. Poor kid was dropped on his head numerous times as an infant apparently. He thinks he’s the class clown. So naturally he’ll ask all the pointless stupid questions and make the most idiotic remarks (He and Know-It-All if combined would destroy my university with a tidal wave of stupid).

A girl volunteers to write something on the board and Priest asks the Dean “What’s the female of ‘author’?”

We’re having a Linear Algebra & Differential Calculus class and he asks the teacher “Why do we solve quadratic equations” (I assume we’ve all asked that question when we were 12)

His laugh is out of this world. He waits for everyone to stop laughing, and goes “Ee-he-he-he.” This guy is definitely two years old.

Actually, the worst trait this guy has, is that he’ll sit in the front row, and after every stupid act, he’s going to turn around with a goofy grin plastered on his face. The class unanimously feels that whoever’s sitting right behind him should slap him hard when he turns around. I’m pretty sure that next week we’ll be throwing things at him to get him to shut up.

 

That’s about it. Cheers

Of The First Two Weeks in KIET

The first two weeks dealt with nothing but seminars upon seminars aimed at new students. They taught us how our GPA is calculated (which I found pointless because I already knew it, and also because majority of the students there had no motivation to understand it.) And every session hammered one thing into our skulls: “You’re no longer kids. You are university students”

Aacha baba, we got it on orientation day!

The first week was basically about the Director of Engineering boring us to death.  Honestly, it’s like when he opens his mouth he releases sleeping gas and sings lullabies to knock us all out. Then he turns into an energy vampire and sucks out all the life force out of us leaving hollow, barely alive husks of our former selves.

However, something I failed to mention earlier, we started one formal course along with the long long speeches of DoE. It’s called Leadership and Motivation. Our Dean teaches this course. It’s supposed to be a hot-shot course that will make us all think about our future and how to go about it through step by step planning. It’s a fun course. We’ve gotten a semester long project where we have to plan out a vision for 2040 and how we’re going to achieve it by making intermediate visions. Sounds boring, but trust me, the Dean makes it all seem fun.

So, now we come to the non-educational side of it all.

As you know, I pissed off my van. KIET frowns upon ragging. So, as long as they keep their hands to themselves I’m fine. I don’t know how many people look forward to be picked upon after enduring long sleeping-gas laced rants from the Director, because I for one hate it. Here’s how it went, in a nutshell.

• The first day the seniors left me alone.
• The next day they they realised I existed and started name calling. I back answered.
• Third day they kept repeating my back answer and sent over two spineless cretins to harass me. I refused to shake hands with one of them and he went ballistic (insecure much?) Called me a barking dog… I woofed, pissed him off more.
• Fourth day they sent in a pathan who was dropped on his head a fair number of times. He lacked the basic skills of comprehension, so he thought that “still can’t remember my name” meant “Sheikh”
• Fifth day they sent a guy who I assumed to be a decent person. Fridays there are horrible. You’ve got to stay till 5pm. Pissed off as it is (my group has an idiot who won’t do his work so in order to keep it afloat I had to do the work) I asked him if he knew a “Waqas.” He didn’t. So I went back to ignoring everyone. The rest of the way they held a conference as to who Waqas was. Whether he was some MQM hot-shot who would kill them over the weekend, or whether I myself was Waqas, etc. You have no idea how hard it was to keep a straight face.
• Sixth day (Monday – weekends are off for us.) It turns out that I’ve been travelling with 4 other freshmen. They should give me protection money since I’ve been diverting the entire van’s attention away from them. Anyways, apparently there’s this stupid tradition where the juniors each semester pay for the senior’s treat. I ain’t paying jack squat! However, the spineless freshmen paid, except for one preachy guy who brought in Islam into the mix. Seniors left him alone.
• Seventh day they sent one of their own to get money out of us. Preachy dude and I refused.
• Day 8. They sent another senior to get money out of me. I said no. Called him pretentious. He blew a fuse and gave me a long lecture on how my attitude needs to be adjusted or I’ll die a sad and lonely death (in a nutshell) I told him i was okay with it. Got ready to get off at my stop. Turned around, gave them all a flying kiss. Exited the bus.
• Day 9. Before I could get off, the ring-leader stopped me and told me in the most frank of terms, that if he ever caught me blowing kisses to the bus he would break all hell loose on me. Also stated that we both will leave the other alone respectfully.
• Day 10. No one bothered me. I AM AWESOME! Sure my methods were un-conventional and probably made me look like a loser at times (which is something you all have already experienced many times reading this blog)

So that’s about all there is to tell. I’ll post the line-up soon.