Of An Independence Deserved?

Today is the 14th of August. The day Pakistan and India became separate nations. Personally, I preferred the old setup. At least I'd be able to visit Ambarin, Moresha, Nirja and even Khurram (though he'd prolly greet me with an "Abey tu yahan bhi aa gaya??")

I mean, we don't deserve such an independence where when on the 61st Birthday, you pick up your newspaper and the headlines gracing it are:

• Bomber draws blood on Independence Day eve
• Explosions near Wana kill 12 militants; missile attack suspected
• Villagers kill six militants
• Musharraf calls for end to confrontation
• Sindh PA seeks impeachment
• Authorities sitting tight as bloodshed continues
• Dozens injured in Kashmir protests
• Militants stop people from leaving Bajaur
• Hostage doctor killed with eight captors
• Six killed, 19 injured in Balochistan attacks

If Pakistan was a person. I am sure he/she/it would share my dislike for his/her/it's birthday as much as me, if not more.

I mean, where is the Cheerful Caption Emblazoned on the front page of each and every newspaper wishing Pakistan a happy and bright future? I am sure, that supplement that was stuffed inside somewhere in the stack of newspapers was read by a lot of people, considering the quality of the material used. Who knows, people might not have even looked at it.

So I do agree with everyone who says that Patriotism Doesn't Pay. I mean, our country has been going down-hill for quite a while. Whether it's the shady politics or the fact that we are so friendly, we've even given the Taliban access to our country, and now they plan on taking over Karachi!! We've kicked off the only person who, when came to power, made sure the crime rate decreased (although he did get soft over the years)

Yes, Happy Independence Day! I am sure we are all Proud Pakistanis

If Pakistan was a person. I am sure he/she/it would share my dislike for his/her/it's birthday as much as me, if not more.

I mean, where is the Cheerful Caption Emblazoned on the front page of each and every newspaper wishing Pakistan a happy and bright future? I am sure, that supplement that was stuffed inside somewhere in the stack of newspapers was read by a lot of people, considering the quality of the material used. Who knows, people might not have even looked at it.

So I do agree with everyone who says that Patriotism Doesn't Pay. I mean, our country has been going down-hill for quite a while. Whether it's the shady politics or the fact that we are so friendly, we've even given the Taliban access to our country, and now they plan on taking over Karachi!! We've kicked off the only person who, when came to power, made sure the crime rate decreased (although he did get soft over the years)

Yes, Happy Independence Day! I am sure we are all Proud Pakistanis

Of Southpaws and Same Greedy People

So guess what I found out today? It's the International Lefty Day! WooHoo! In your superiority complex's face all you righty people.

Being a Lefty is such a hard job. You have to make do with things that aren't even designed for you. Not to mention that everyone is after your life to use your right hand. I mean, fine, our religion dictates we use our right hand. From a rhetorical point of view, just for a moment, assume that the Prophet was a lefty. Now what? you are going to beat the crap out of every Muslim child born using his right hand? See, that's the thing I hate about being a Lefty living in a Muslim community. Every single person takes it upon himself/herself to preach to me that I am committing a sin by using my left hand.

Same's with my students. For them (even the lefties) a grown-up using their left hand is a mystery. They see me writing and this takes place:

Student: *stares at me writing*
Me: *without looking up* "Hmm? What?"
Student: *keeps staring*
Me: *looking up at the student* "Yes, may I help you?"
Student: "N..n..nothing Sir"
Me: "Then go!"
Student: "Sir are you a lefty?"
Me: *grumbling under my breath* (Jahil baccha. Can he/she not see the hand I am using?)
Student: "Sir?"
Me: "Yes, I am. Now go!"

And then the whispering starts: "Dekho, Sir is a lefty" , "Saachi?" , "SIR!! Are you a Lefty?" This is the point where I quit working and sigh to myself.

In all due politeness, to everyone who thinks lefties are bad, SCREW YOU! I mean what right do you have to tell us which hand we are to use? Left hand feeds the devil.. Okay! So everyone who wants to lose a few pounds eat with your left hand.

Ambarin, a really great friend of mine, is a victim of the anti-lefty crusade. She was born a lefty, but thanks to her mother, she had to switch to using her right hand. Okay, so in a way it's made her slightly ambidextrous. Or should I say "Amby-dexterous"

See! this is the reason why Lefties make 13% of the world population. If being a left-hander wasn't so frowned upon and shown in a negative light, there would be more lefties.

Anyways. On a side note, my result's out.. actually has been out for the last 4 days, and I being the "super-chicken" that I am (Thank you D!) have yet to check it. But sadly, People have taken upon themselves to continuously ask me for it. So they are just being nosy na? WRONG! That same teacher who wanted me to give him a birthday treat said this today

"Mein ney sunna hai key aap ka result aa gaya hai? Treat kab mil rahi hai?"

ARGH! Not only are people nosy, but greedy too. Anyways, why do people assume I'd do good, after all, my ex has made it a habit to point out what a fuck-up I am when it comes to things that matter.

MIND YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS!

Of Extremely Huge Fans

Our Photocopier-Man has the largest ceiling fan ever! It's so huge it ain't even funny man!!

Each blade is a GIANT 1.5 feet long!!!

Of Dwellings Renovated and Repulsive.

Following the same line of thought that I started last post, I shall show you an example. The said example is the house of my friend before he was brutally kicked out. (I miss the pointless walks where we ended up getting groceries for your mum)

Anyways,
Exhibit A:
This was his house when he used to live here. Notice the simplicity, the slight slanted roof, the black gate, the off-white complexion of the house. The coolest bit is that even though you can barely make it out, there is a castle-keep like wall surrounding the roof. But sadly, as soon as he left the house went under metamorphosis.


Exhibit B:And then the renovations began. The house turned pink, got a wooden gate (which will show water damage like no tomorrow) they even removed the castle-keep like roof and, not to mention his room's window got a balcony type frame around it (its obscured by the tree in both pictures)

So all in all, the house's become fugly in my opinion. and hopefully my friend's opinion too.

Now excuse me, I owe my friend enough to get even with the house

*Goes off to find a bucket of water*

Of Not Judging a House by it's Design

.... But Judging it by the ornaments on/near its gate

I mean, sure.. we've all seen houses on the street that look like drunken master pieces. like when the architect was making the model, he took a block of polystyrene and hacked at it with a hot knife till it remotely looked like a space that people could inhabit, added a few windows and voila! A House!

But that's the architect's fault. However, one should not underestimate the average person's sense of decorum. We desi's have this natural talent of making a pretty decent place look absolutely hideous. We'll paint the house bright orange, or place weird ornaments on the gate, or try to give it a cultural look and fail miserably.

Just look at this. Now imagine the owner to be a heavy set phelwan. I mean he's got the whole scary-I'm-gonna-kill-you vibe going. Give him 5-8 years and he'll be old and balding, walking with a walking stick and perpetually stooped. Now that's not so scary. Truth is I haven't seen the owner. So, I cannot make an assumption as to what he looks like. For all we know he could be one of those comb-over weedy looking types that wear their trousers/shalwars up to their necks

On to the second picture. Now that's just wrong. It's supposed to be a Lion, but sadly the artist didn't know what a lion looked like so he took the picture of a starved bear and gave it a mane.

Sheesh! I know you all have your own taste in art, but please, for the love of all that is holy (and your kids reputation) think before you start throwing all this junk around the house calling it "decoration"

I mean, if I was to ever marry, and have kids I would certainly try and keep my house nondescript. I don't want my kids to suffer because Daddy thought it would be cool to put a cage of monkeys by the front gate, so that whenever some visitor shows up they are immediately showered with primate-poop.

Now all that is left is to have kids, for which I'll need a house and a wife. For which I'll need someone who's equally insane as I and a lot of money. For money, send it in gift cards to My P.O. Box (which will be stated later) for Matrimonials, add me on Shaadi.com. my alias is Danger-Aaloo.

Damn... I am so pathetic!! Hahaha

[In a Squeaky Voice]

Lonely I'm so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
I'm so lonely,

Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out...oh fuck it!
*Shoots Self*

Of a Massive Update and Blogger Hating Me

For some strange reason, during the last few days I got extremely busy and I barely got time to update my blog. However, my busy schedule was the least of my concern. I couldn't log into Blogger for quite a while, so.. I had to blog on word.

Finally I can post again (Turns out I made a stupid error... hahaha)

So, Dear Readers. Read me blog. I made a 10 Day update! YAY!

Also. Enjoy this picture I unearthed. Behold! The DYING SHOP! People go in, but they never come out! *cue dramatic music*

Has anyone ever told me that I am insane?? You should be wondering if anyone has NOT told me that I am Insane!

"Hadouken!"

Of Mall Trolling and Pains of Photography

You know? Its so hard to be a Photographer. Especially one like me, who is interested in random subjects that spark his interest. Like for example this picture here. It was on the door of Teens and Kids and I found its redundancy interesting. The page on the left tells you that no food or drink is allowed, nor is chocolate or ice-cream allowed within the shop. Ahan. I think food and drink pretty much covers everything.

Second page says that no video making, nor photography is allowed. No wepons or pets allowed. Okay... If photography isn't allowed enforce it. I took this picture while standing in the shop. Beat that. And as for the "wepons" problem... Spellcheck maar liya kero. Idiots. This place is filled with false advertising.

I have NO IDEA why I am posting this. Maybe the whole mall trolling with Shani is getting to me. Though, Shani wasnt with me on this excursion.

Argh! I need sleep.

Of Modest Art Teachers

"Oh no, This is just a rough sketch!" - Art Teacher

I'd kill to draw like this. Really!

Of Mac Desi and Shadi Food

McDonald Lovers, eat your bleeding hearts out! Presenting Mac DESI

Mac DESI! it's delicious
"Experience the unique taste of Baked Fish, Chicken in Foil, Prawn Karhai, Stuffed Puri and Special Haleem."

Excuse me for just a second. I see no desi heritage in Chicken in Foil or Baked Fish. Heck, as far as I recall, there is no baking in desi foods. We consume nothing but greasy oil soaked food.

Speaking of food. Have you ever noticed that all the shaadis have nearly the same menu?

It's 5 platters:

• Chicken Tikka
• Biryani
• Chicken floating in Oil
• Foot Long Seekh Kebabs
• Two Types of Naan

And have you noticed how people waste food? I wonder what they do of the food that's left, or half finished?

Wait a second. They have the same menu, loads of food is left untouched... What would any business minded person do? I KNOW!! The caterers take the food, freeze it and wait for the next shaadi/mehndi/valima etc. Then they thaw it, re-fry it and serve it. See! Its brilliant! They must be saving tons on ingredients by carrying forward.

Now that I theorised that... I shall never eat Shaadi food again. Damn!

(Shani's sis is going to be married soon... I hope they have a different menu)

Of The First Day of School and Random Observations

First days of schools are weird. Especially if they are for the kids. And the place where I work is notorious for switching classrooms here and there, which ensures that the kids are thoroughly lost.

I am so happy, I got 7 new sections to terrorise! I remember when I was a kid, if we ever created a ruckus, some random teacher would come and thoroughly berate us for misbehaving. And being yelled at by a random stranger is really weird. Its like you are scared because you don't know who the person is, they could be the head or the principal's assistant or one of the administration people. Point is, I spent the entire day roaming the 5th Graders area (I mean once everything settled down and all) and if some class was creating a ruckus, I scared them up good!! I feel it is necessary to establish a level of fear in the kids.

Anyways, I scared the kids and i noticed that some of them are familiar. I dunno why but their mannerisms make me want to punch a hole in the wall... Must be the pent up rage or something. Further study required.

On a side note, It seems as if the parents are more than eager to drop the kids off on the first day of school. I mean approximately 50% of our section's strength was within the premises by 7:35 (Reporting time was 8:00 AM)

Also, these kids need a refresher course in how to be in school. No lines, no order, just chaos. Oh, and I got my first substitution in a 5th grade class-room. I was supposed to teach them music. But I told them to draw on their whiteboards and play hangman with the person next to them.

Interesting thing this whiteboard is. The students are required to bring one for maths. Something to do with the teacher giving them a question to solve and they using for rough working and solving and quickly giving the teacher the answer. However, the student s use it more towards the artsy side. And while i was in the class I noticed a defense mechanism that the students have.

Suppose they write Monday on the whiteboard. So, there is nothing wrong with writing Monday, I mean after all, today IS Monday. But as soon as I looked at the board that had Monday on it, and read it out loud enough for the student to hear, that student promptly looks at me, laughs a guilty retarded laugh and wipes the board clean.

I am an ASS!! HAHA!