Of The Best Movie You'll Ever See

I have no idea what possessed me to watch this movie. Maybe the words Japanese, Action, Mecha, and Revenge in the torrent description triggered my download impulse.

The Machine Girl.

It starts simply enough. A boy's balancing an apple on his head and a knife whooshes past and sticks itself into the apple. (whoever threw it had good aim)

Yes, this is a typical Japanese high school student being bullied situation. To the kid's rescue comes the female protagonist, Ami Hyuga. She tells the four bullies to stop. They call her a bitch and threaten to kill her. She jumps up in the air, takes out a sickle and chops off the leader's arm in one clean motion. Cue excessive blood-spray. After dispatching all the bullies, the story goes six months into the past.

Ami and her brother live alone. Their parents committed suicide after being framed for murder. Still, as life in a Japanese High School is, Ami is popular and good at sports, and her brother Yu is being bullied. When Yu along with his friend Takeshi is beaten up by the bullies for the last time, he grows a pair and fights back (the friend goes into a brief black-belt mode and pulls off some serious moves). The bullies push both off a four story car-park.

Ami is devastated and knows something isn't right. Takeshi's family blames Yu because of his parent's reputation. Crying in her brother's room and wishing for an explanation as to what really happened Ami comes across his diary and the names of all the kids who bullied him (except the leader's name, since he never got to write that part down.)

Thus starts her quest for justice.

First up is Ryota. Ami goes over to his house to demand an explanation as to what happened. Ryota denies any knowledge, however, his dad (who's the Police Chief) believes that Ami is trying to besmirch his family's name. He thinks that he should arrest her... and attacks her with a golf club. O.O

Ami pushes him away and runs towards the kitchen where Ryota's mum is. After Ami accidentally spills some cooking batter on her hand, Ryota's mum grabs Ami and shoves her hand into a pot of boiling oil, deep frying it.

It was here that I realised that all the characters in this movie are crazy fucks.

Ami returns at night and first slices off Ryota's head. Then she puts his head into the soup pot on the family's dinner table. When Ryota's mom opens the pot and her son's head floats to the top, Ami shoves a knife through the back of her head and out her mouth. Mommy bleeds, throws up, her tongue falls into the soup pot followed by her entire digestive tract.

Oblivious to the carnage happening in the house, Ryota's dad is taking a bath. He calls out for his wife to get him some shampoo. Ami shows up with Ryota's body and says "Why don't you wash your hair with your son's blood" and used the body as a huge blood squirting Super Soaker

Crazy as fuck.

To make a long story short, the gang leader, Sho Kimua turns out to be the son of a ninja-yakuza clan. His parents are psychotic, and so is he.

Ami gets captured by the clan and has her left arm cut off. She then somehow manages to escape from their ninja compound and lands up in Takeshi's parent's garage. Takeshi's dad makes her a new arm out of steel. In case you're wondering if it's some sort of cybernetic arm, it's just a Gatling gun.

Now cue obligatory training sequence between Ami and Takeshi's mom, Miki.

Ninja's attack under Sho's orders, Ami fights them while Takeshi's dad finishes the gun. Then she uses the gun to blow up all three ninjas, all the while defying the laws of common sense and physics.

Tadaaaaa! Machine Girl

Then Miki and Ami go on a revenge spree killing the other 3 bullies (Sho's hiding atm). Guess we're back in present time now.

The Kimuras relocate, and gather the families of the 4 bullies promising revenge.

After an innovative torture sequence involving Ami, Miki, 6 inch nails, a hammer and an evil henchman's face, the insane "good guys" know where to go.

Then another scene with Sho's dad chanting some scripture and the 4 parents having some sort of seizures (which I think denotes them receiving Ninja Power) we're at the final stretch of the movie

Now, just when you think the movie can't get any stupider, the Ninja Power Imbued Parents appear.

Correction: The Super Mourner Gang

They die, eventually. Then Sho's dad dies, so does Miki. Sho's Mom is the final nut. Her weapon of choice? A Drill Bra.

Sho meanwhile hides behind three of his classmates who've been tied to make a protective circle around him. One of them wets himself, Ami pushes Drill Bra Psycho onto wet carpet, electrocutes her, kills Sho.

Movie ends. The girl who plays Ami is pretty, and I would have seriously liked her character if she wasn't such a bloody psycho. In fact, all the characters are bleeding psychos. The acting is poor. and well, Quentin Tarantino can totally rip this off and sell it as his own after some fine-tuning and a lot of censoring

If I find the rumored english trailer, I'll post it.

Of Smoke Signals

I was out today buying my grandma's monthly rations. While shopping at one particular shop, I was approached by a hefty looking university student dressed in black. He happened to be releasing some really nasty fumes (kinda like smoke and sweat.) Not wanting to stand there much longer, I moved away from the aisle. He followed me, and this conversation took place.

Smelly Guy: Excuse me?
Me: *trying not to breathe* Hmmm?
S.G: Hello, sir. Kiya aap cigar-et peetey hain?

-- Okay, pause. WTF is cigar-et? I swear that was the actual pronunciation. --

Me: *smiling* I'm not fond of dying a slow and painful death... are you?

And I walked off.

------

Okay, so I'm usually not that mean. But dude, if you're reading this, invest in some deo and some air-freshener. My eyes were burning.

And I'm starting work on that post I promised.

Of . . . OMGWTF

It's late, and I'm quite tired. I just finished watching the most ultimate movie ever. I am going to write a full detailed post about it tomorrow, so come back in 24 hours to have your dose of entertainment.

Why is this important? Well, throughout this movie, my face was stuck in one expression:

Yes, an amalgamation of o.O and =/

Oh and in case you were wondering, I keep a picture of a potato handy to draw facial expressions on it.

I'm off to sleep.

Laterz, Yo

Of Growing Older

So, I'm 21 now. I don't feel any different, or more mature for that matter. I still have the same stupid questions, and the same stupid "theoretical" answers to them. Physically, apart from a few grey hair and seriously baggy eyes, I don't look older.

Anyways, that aside. Do you know how annoying it is when people who barely talk to you throughout the year suddenly decide to wish you "Happy Birthday" just because Facebook, Orkut, or one of their mutual friends tells them it's your birthday? I mean, if you're blissfully unaware of what I am up to, there really is no need to wish me. I even turned off wall-posting for this very thing. Sadly, a friend commented on my two week old status and these people followed like lemmings.

Also, I don't get why people are so dense. Is it really that weird that I don't like my birthdays? So, I shut off my phone, or put it on call-restrict at 11:50 the day before, I don't want to meet anyone, I don't want to be online to receive those well wishes. . . I'm pretty sure there must be other people like me.

To the people who think I'm strange:
Do you honestly think I'd celebrate the one day that makes me feel more shittier than the entire year combined? That one day puts whatever I've done for the past year into perspective. And this year's perspective was the same as last year. I am still standing in the same spot in life as I was 4 years ago. Awesome.

Oh well, atleast the day's over. Now I'll go and watch Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu .... again!

Of |_33+ N1NJ4

JUNPEI! <3

This Blog. Side Bar. Megatokyo. Go. Read. NOW!

Of Influences Growing Up - MacGuyver

If you don't know who's MacGuyver, go drown yourself in the nearest naala you can find

Now that you've tried to drown yourself and your self-preservation skills have kicked in.

I'm watching MacGuyver these days. The series was a marvel during my childhood and still manages to amaze me. Angus MacGuyver, the titular character of the series is pitted against amazing odds each episode and has to overcome them. He might have to recover stolen papers from a secure facility in Germany. Infiltrate and stop a group of terrorists from assassinating some government personnel.

Now the reason why it's amazing is because he relies on his brains rather than brawn. He hates guns, and all he carries with him is his trusty Swiss Army Knife and a roll of duct tape.

I just saw this episode where due to some confusion, these Mafia hitmen are after an elderly couple (who just happen to have given Macguyver a lift earlier.) Majority of the episode took place on the road with the Mafia car chasing the elderly couple's car. MacGuyver harvested parts from the car to make makeshift weapons/obstacles to slow the bad guys down, like using the car's soft-top to cover the bad-guy's windshield, or making a bazooka using the car's silencer, some fuel, seat padding, and one of those steering wheel knobs people with arthritis use. He even fixed a broken fuel line with a ballpoint pen case.

Watching the show brings back memories. MacGuyver pwns James Bond. Screw fancy Aston Martins and wristwatch lasers when you can get the job accomplished using nothing more than a paperclip, some rope, and nasal spray.

Speaking of which, I need to clean my Swiss Army Knife. The rain left mineral deposits in it's crevices.

Of The Smell of Greenery

Why is it that you can't enjoy the smell that lingers in the air after it's rained? Especially if you're in Karachi?

I mean, it's all too familiar with everyone right? The rain stopped, you stick your head out of the window and take in deep breaths of fresh cool air, and just like that, the wind will change it's course and you'll be inhaling deep breaths of wet-garbage air.

Karachi isn't built for rain, or excessive amounts of water. It rains, the electricity goes out.

The storm-water drains that the CBC lovingly built (during which a lot of people had to park their cars in shady alleys) are below sea-level. So, in actuality, they're nothing more than covered up moats. Maybe we should introduce some alligators into the moats. And as for their food, we can feed them those stray dogs roaming around.

Wouldn't it be cool? You could turn entire blocks into secure areas. I propose that naala-moats be built in front of every Political something or the other. This will free up the police and the rangers to do more important stuff, like catching mobile thieves. Also, the Political somebodies can have cool draw-bridges instead of gates.

- -

Ignore me. I have a fevah! Again.

Of Decisions Made in Desperation

I'm in a dilemma.

I've got a perfectly functional phone with me.

However, dad struck a deal with a friend of his, and managed to acquire a Nokia 7610. Now, since it's too high-tech for his basic needs, he decides to give it to his techno-geek of a son. But that's not the half of it.

Firstly let me explain how this new cell-phone was acquired. Dad's friend wanted a new cell. Friend's brother living in the U.K. wants to send new cell to friend. Dad offers to get it for friend via one of his other friends coming back from the U.K. So in a nutshell, he gets a new phone, with it's software disc, data cable, battery, charger, a memory card, and a wireless handsfree. What he gave us was the phone, it's battery, and a charger. Heck even that tiny little tray that holds the SIM down was missing.

Now, if I chose to take that phone, I relinquish my rights to my current one.

Lets make a list of Pros and Cons to see whether I should trade in, or shouldn't
+ It's got expandable memory.
+ I can use it to bludgeon people once I attach the neck strap on it.
- The camera lens is foggy
- The camera has one 1MP
+ The camera gives a 4x digital zoom on 1MP
- The battery lasts barely a day
+ I'll get the expandable memory for free
+ I'll get the data cable for free
- It's interface is the slowest I've encounterd
- The keypad is fucked up. Why couldn't they keep it in rows and columns.
+ I can type out SMSes on my laptop and send them via the phone.
- I can only type out SMSes on my laptop and send them via the phone without screwing up, or pressing the wrong button or canceling the entire thing.
- And I don't know how how much or how little the last guy used it.
- There are no decent applications for it.
-- I can't reuse the pink bear sticker I have on my current cell.


So. Final Tally:

Pros: 6 Cons: 10

Verdict:

Sister gets the phone. I keep my precious.

P.S. The Pink Bear is important. Not only does it serve as a conversation started, it was given to me by a dear friend.
P.S.2. Yes, I'm aware of the fact that I'm a guy who owns a phone with a pink bear sticker on it.
P.S.3. The title is an homage to another friend of mine.

Of a Blooming Business

Get it? Blooming! :P

Of 5 Awesome People

This summer vacation, I've been somewhat blue.

This wasn't what I had planned for my summers. So... it's thanks to these folk that my vacations have been going smoothly. .

Eiichiro Oda :-
The brilliant Oda-san has one of the strangest creative streaks I've ever come across. He's the brilliant mastermind behind the pirate-saga One Piece. Dunno about all you guys, but running a manga since 1997 is quite a big accomplishment. And it's going on strong with good reason too. The storyline's captivating, with some of the most memorable characters, like a captain who's made of rubber, a cola powered cyborg as the shipwright, a reindeer with the ability to transform into a human as the crew's doctor, an animated skeleton as the crew's musician. Not to mention Oda-san's solutions to various dead-ends. Like, recently, the crew was split up by one the evil guys. Now, since the story after that incident focused mainly on the captain of the crew, naturally readers wondered where the rest of the crew went. His solution was brilliantly simple, he made cover-art for the upcoming issues depicting where each of the crew members ended up. Over all, every week he brings something outrageously new for my reading pleasure.

Nagaru Tanigawa
Now, this guy's one of my favorites. Abeer introduced me to his work back in May of 2006. The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi is a zany absolutely insane 14 episode series based on the novel by Tanigawa-san. Suzumiya Haruhi is an eccentric high-schooler who has the ability to reshape the entire universe if she so wishes it. She's the main character for 9 novels written by Tanigawa-san. Apart from her latent god-like abilities she has a never-ending desire to meet aliens, espers, time-travellers etc. For this reason, she recruits Kyon, a fellow classmate to help her in forming a club for this very purpose. Surprisingly, the other three recruits that Haruhi chooses are an alien, an esper, and a time-traveller (she obviously doesn't know this!) Usually these three give Kyon the responsibility of fixing whatever mess Haruhi's subconscious has created (One time, she erased the entire universe, except for Kyon and herself.) The part I like best about these novels is that they are presented from Kyon's perspective, so it's quite cynical and you just love the comments he makes about everyone.

Hiroya Oku
Another manga-ka. He's the brains behind Gantz. Gantz is another awesome read. It focuses around a lot of mature themes. Oku-san's also got a fetish for drawing tastefully nude characters. Other than that, the storyline's gripping enough to keep one reading. Sadly it's on standby at the moment because he wants to work on his killer finale. So till October I guess I'll have to wait.

Hideo Kojima
Dude! He is the one who created Metal Gear Solid, and Boktai. Both which I've been playing over the course of this summer. Do you need another reason to like him?

Gainax
So this isn't a person but a group that's produced some of the best anime series around. Still. And for more info scroll down to the Robots post.