Of Bringing Chaos

For reasons not to be disclosed yet, I arranged a small scavenger hunt for the kids at my school.

I made / found 20 Spiders out of paper.
I got 20 plastic cups and filled them with sweets and wrapped them in cellophane. and wound the top shut with a wire and a paper flower.

(The kids love my paper crafting skillz!)

Then I proceeded to hide them in various places... places that are obviously visible mind (since the kids aren't the brightest of the bunch)

And I gave these brats a few clues where the spiders were hidden.

This was obviously a disaster waiting to happen. And that's exactly what happened. no sooner did I say start, every single kid went running amok. It was like a sea of crazy kids going round and round in circles. You've seen floods on TV right? This was a flood of 3~4 foot tall kids. Running and Screaming.

And usually, at the sight of something this disastrous, I try to herd them together and put them safely behind bars. But! this time around, I just stood in the middle, let them find the 20 spiders and laughed like a maniac.

So, it took like 10 maybe 15 minutes for the chaos to die. But... It. Was. Worth. It.

Damn... Just 4 days left... So much to do... Why?

Of People Who Stick Their Hands Down Your Mouth

No! This post isn't about little kids with a truck load of curiosity, compulsive food snatchers who don't mind slightly chewed food, or even a cult of bulimic people trying to initiate new members.

I am in fact talking about Dentists. The people who live to shove their gloved hands down a random strangers mouth and are paid handsomely to do so. You'd think they'd remember a patient's face after practically staring at it for an hour yesterday.

So, yesterday I went to the dentist for my final sitting for my root-canal. And, since this time around he skipped the anaesthesia till I begged him (mean old sod) I tried to distract myself from the increasing throb in my tooth.

Tactic 1: Tried to listen to the conversation happening around me.
Now this failed for a number of reasons. Firstly it's never a pleasant experience to hear your doctor talking about how the last patient bled on him for a couple of minutes. And since the place I go to is literally the "bargain basement" of Dentistry, (if you're cool with your mouth being used to teach a class, it's damn cheap..) I had around 3 people hovering over me. Then, instead of teaching them how to clean a cavity and fill it up, he started talking about his minor league cricket team the "something dolphins"
And secondly, you might hear things that freak you out. like "Jaldi sey Tissue pakrao!!" and "AHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH" coming from somewhere over the partition...

Tactic 2: Made paper cranes to pass the time.
Apparently, people find it strange that a piece of paper can be folded to form anything other than a folded piece of paper. So, I got the local anaesthesia. But, now, I was getting bored. I mean the guy was filling up an itty bitty tooth with these plastic rods and it took ages!
Now I can easily make a paper crane without even looking at the paper. And I have only one person to thank for this... the jaded floozy. Ah well, so there I was, lying on the chair with these plastic rods being fitted in my mouth and this gent comes up and wanted to know how much it cost for scaling and bleaching just his front teeth, and he sees me (mouth open, staring at the roof, five birds already on my stomach and the sixth one in my hand) and he winks... Urgh! I attract men now... (couldn't the guy just smile and take a bird and get lost?)

Anyways... Filling's done. No more dentist person except to get a crown which can be done any old time.

Why are you still reading this.. GO!!

Of the Morning After.

Our country has to be the only one where people die even when celebrating. Just saw the news, some 20+ injured and atleast 2 dead thanks to the random firing of bullets last night.

I mean, there can never be an event to celebrate without some casualties. It rains after weeks of sweltering heat, X number of people died due to rains. Bakra eid, cow tramples a person to death. etc.

Anyways. Gotta go work. Later

Oh, and an idiot messaged me last night. Ignoring the message till I can set said idiot straight. :D

Of a New Year

So its past 12 at the moment. And all the idiots are out on the streets firing off their guns.

Honestly, it sounds like we're in the middle of a battlefield. Guns being unloaded, explosions left right and centre. Considering how a while back some nut calls out lovely Prime Minister and tells him that India will attack Pakistan... which sent the entire country on red-alert. Turned out it was a prank call.

Koi pata nehi. The PM sahab might think that our idiot population enjoying New Years could be India's forces invading... Hey, it's possible.

Good Night.

Of the Sequel to being Complete

Yesterday, I was suddenly overcome with a bout of exhaustion, and during said bout, had the following convo with a friend of mine.

Shahrukh: Huza!!
Me: Hey! I'm tired! :(
Shahrukh: Why so tired?
Me: I dunno.. My bones are screaming
Shahrukh: What did you do all day?
Me: Nothing :/
Shahrukh: Then why the fuck are you tired?
Me: Must be one of those age related things. As you grow older your stamina decreases ... something like that.
Shahrukh: Oh yes. You've reached the age when you turn into a complete dumbass and claim it's manhood
Me: Dudee! You do realise that some people have already reached that age... or were they dumbasses to begin with?

Well... most of the people reading this, know of said dumbasses.

As for the obvious spoof in the last post, well.. that's what happens when I come across ungrateful lil' peons who whine about everything.

As for why exactly I'm tired? We didn't get no winter break this time around. Just the two days off for christmas. Bah! Humbug!

Till Later.

With more stuff. Or even a spoof!

Of Being Complete

And Today's the day, that with my facial hair, I step into "Manhood"

w00t!

Actually, this post was to be dated for somewhere in august... but oh well.

Of the Forthcoming Apocalypse

Tyre, Lebanon - This picture was taken moments before the Giant Potato Monster (GPM) successfully devoured the owner of the farm where it grew up. Just look how happy the farmer is during his final moments. :)

The potato originally weighed 24.9 pounds. (It passed over a weighing scale)

Now, it weighs 210 pounds. (We added the weight of the farmer to GPM's)

The Lebanese Police have advised all citizens to be wary of a giant rolling tuber.

A Spokesperson from McDonalds said: "While it is a sad thing for the people of Lebanon, we are hoping that we can catch the (GPM) after it has consumed a few dozen people, thereby growing in size. We shall then, aim to make the world's longest French Fries."

This Thing:
Don't say I didn't warn you....

Of ... Errrm?

So my last post was kinda idiotic at best. See, this is what happens when you try to force out creativity. Pfft.

Although... My last post did attract the attention of one person, who sent me the following video to go along with my post. Enjoy.

Of Bhurka-Posh Women and The Consequences Attached.

Some time back I read an article in a newspaper that the Taliban have taken over some mountains in the northern regions. Mountains? What are they planning? Using Warlockian Majiks to bring the mountains to life and use them as tools for their impending take over?

Since the Taliban pose a moderate threat to our way of life, and they are trying to take over our country one mountain at a time, I thought that it's a good time to type out a post which was swimming in my head for quite some time. To make it more interesting, I assume the role of a wannabe-Taliban.

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My dear Muslim brothers (Rest of you, piss off)! The idea of beauty isn't just limited to naked faces. Naked faces are haram and should be washed in acid to teach these fahashi and bey-ghairat women a lesson.

The dogs of the west have the idea of a woman's eyes being the most attractive feature she possesses. Who do you think even gave them that idea. We did!

Think about it!

Our women wear bhurkas with only their eyes visible. Naturally the only way of judging a woman's beauty is from her eyes. I've lost many friends to those heavily kajal-laden eyes.

Ah yes, the bhurka or the "Eye-Isolation-Headgear", which puts maximum emphasis on the eyes. We should be thankful to this invention. Supposing you are the ugliest woman there is. But you have really pretty eyes. The bhurka is just the thing for you.

It will hide:
- the acne scarred face
- the gigantic mole on your nose
- the crooked teeth
- your all but invisible "moustache"
- your shiny blonde "beard"

and make the guy fall for you!!!

I went to some gathering with my waledain-e-mohtarram. There, during lunch, these three bhurka-clad females entered the room simultaneously. I mean full bhurka, with gloves and everything. Naturally the only part visible were their eyes. They looked like clones

Something like this:
However! The hostess knew who was who, with uncanny precision.

- Bhurka Clad Woman #1: The Hostess's second cousin
- Bhurka Clad Woman #2: The Hostess's daughter's friend's mother
- Bhurka Clad Woman #3: The Hostess's colleague from work.

Though Movies are Haram, let alone western movies, even the Arnie Clones has dots in their eyelids to differentiate between the clones in "The 6th Day". What is this world coming to?

By the way. Arnold Bhai is our hero. Him and Rambo Sahab

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Oh and don't take this the wrong way. it's just an exagerated point-of-view of something pretty normal. True the country is pretty fucked up. But I believe that worrying won't solve much. Trust me, I'm just as sick and tired of this nonsense as you people. :(