Of Computer Woes

Running a Windows based system is quite like working in an old-folks home or in the terminally-ill patients wing in a hospital. I'm not kidding.

See, like these places, your Windows will experience something never before seen in software the physical manifestation of "age". Sure, the bright tech-heads amongst you may point out that a "shifting" of bytes does occur when running any software. A simple defragmentation should take care of that.

Nope. Windows is like Old Mr. Smith (who's 90+) or Little Timmy (suffering from ikillyou-itis) in the sense that just as their systems would slowly give out, maybe bladder problems or internal bleeding, Windows experiences the same thing. It will slow down, the cursor will creak when moving (a common case of mouse-arthritis) or will spontaneously move without you even willing it to.

You will find that no matter how many programs you delete, files you remove, you aren't gaining as much memory as there was before said programs came. And, in the end it's just an excuse for an operating system running on life-support in the form of Virus (or Registry, Malware, Spyware, Adware, Rootkit) Scans, System Recovery Tools, Disc Defrags, RAM Optimisers. They don't speed up your computer, rather they just make sure it runs for another week or so (until the trial period runs out)

And then comes the inevitable. It can occur in two ways. Either one fine day you show up for duty and find that Little Tim... wait, back up. Either one day you find that your computer won't boot up any more. Promise it whatever you may - a new hard-drive, a fresh installation, a snuggly puppy - it won't boot up.

Alternatively, it could be that you decide that it's time to let Mr. Smi... your computer go (I really need to stop confusing my analogies with reality.) You save it's will (basically all your songs, documents, pictures that aren't already on FaceBook, and even the erotic chats with your numerous "soul-mates" and "spouses to be". Then you do the inevitable. Now, you can either pay someone who knows their way around pulling the switch or if you're adventurous, you can do the deed yourself.

Either way. Once your computer expires. You receive another one. Now, if you were able to plan its demise, you can begin to start convincing it that he is Mr. Smith (Not Mr. John) or Little Timmy (Not Little Lisa) and begin the cycle anew.

All this rambling is because I spent the entire night running all sorts of scans just to remove one blasted piece malware. I ended up downloading 5 different programs (Not counting those pathetic ones that ask you to buy the application to remove one measly file) running them all in safe-mode before managing to kill it.

All those people who are giggling because they use Apple and Windows sucks, can you honestly fix your computer without having to go on an Apple Help Forum. All I see is Apple Freaks left and right whining about how to install xyz or how to connect to the net or something equally stupid. But hey, you guys deserve a post all to yourselves.

(I apologise to anyone who has lost a loved one to old age or something incurable. Making fun of their demise was not my intention)