On second thought, since I can't see your hands, quit being silly and lower them.
Do you know what the recent thing is that boils my blood? People owning things that are way beyond their technical know-how.
This is particularly true about cellular phones.
Wealthy old aunties and uncles will be seen in possession of a cell that costs 50K or so. I mean the latest model of the best company, which can turn into a surveillance helicopter, a directional mic, can take super-detailed pictures where you can count the number of blackheads on the subjects nose.
Yet, here's the kicker, they only know how to dial a person's number, read a message and receive a call. That's about it. In some cases (like one of my friends' aunt) the person doesn't even know how to read a message or dial a number, someone just taught them the speed-dial sequence to call home, husband, and driver.
WHAT THE HELL. I'd kill for a super cool phone. Why does a twit who does nothing but take self portraits, sms, and call, get a phone with a built in OCR that can convert snapshots of business cards into contacts. I'm sick of trying sort out my business cards and keeping them in boxes. Or an uncle who can only press the green call accept button and the red call reject button get a state-of-the-art smartphone?
You know there should be a small Q/A session before the shop sells someone a cell. You could get a friend and read it out loud.
Mediocre Uncle ScenarioShop Keeper: Hello! Are you here to buy a cellphone?
Customer: Yes, I am!
Shop Keeper: So, what is your price range?
Customer: Around 20,000.
Shop Keeper: d00d! that's quite a bit. What do you need a cellphone for?
Customer: Oh the usual. Calling, setting an alarm, forwarding cheap jokes to people I barely know.
Shop Keeper: In that case, you can buy one of our "Works-But-That's-About-It" Phones. Only or 18,999/-
Self Obsessed Teeny Bopper Scenario.Shop Keeper: Hell...
Customer: Listen, like I don't have time so like quickly give me one of the Super-Duper-Phones like 10 seconds ago.
Shop Keeper: Little girl, do you have the money to pay for it?
Customer: Like, who do you think I am? My daddy gave me, like, his credit card and told me to, like, buy a new cell.
Shop Keeper: Okay, our Super-Duper-Phones have a 25 MP camera with 16x Optical Zoom, IR and UV modes and has a built-in OCR. What are you going to use it for?
Customer: Taking, like, my pictures in front of, like, the mirror in my bathroom, totally obviously.
Shop Keeper: Errr... Okay, it's even got the brand new EDGE 2 for internet connectivity, what are you going to use that for?
Customer: Like totally checking my Facebook obviously. Wait, can I, like, update my emo blog on it too?
Shop Keeper: Ummmm, yes you can. Final question. Why do you need a new phone
Customer: See, like last week Saniya's daddy got her a totally new phone and she's been showing it off like it's her own, and it's like totally pissing me off!
Shop Keeper: Oh-kay. I'm sorry, but you qualify for a Oh-God-Brat's-Self-Obsessed. It comes in black and red. Credit Card Please!
Illiterate Mela Scenario(You need to pronounce each word like it's written)Shop Keeper: Hello Customer. How may I help you?
Customer: Hallu! Aye am heer to buy ay nu cell foon
Shop Keeper: What are you looking for in your new cell phone.
Customer: Farstly it's foon not phon. Maind eet. Aye wantz a foon that take my many peekchurs and aye can zoom in on tha chikni larki akross lectur hall.
Shop Keeper: Okay, a camera, and?
Customer: Dant yew bees smarty with me. Aye am thinkingz. Eet Shoud also be havingz big speekeers. So aye can be playing cheep sangs for chikni larki.
Shop Keeper: Speaker.... and?
Customer: Bola na tereko. Maind eet. Eet Shoud also bees shainy. You know sparkle sparkle?
Shop Keeper: Okay, That's it?
Customer: Yas. That bees eet.
Shop Keeper: Here you go sir. Your "I'm a maila londa" phone. You may think it looks like the cheapest phone available with a fake camera spray painted silver and dipped in glitter, but that's just your imagination.
Old Socialite Aunty ScenarioShop Keeper: Hello Customer. How may I help you?
Customer: Beta, my kids told me key "Mummy you should buy a cellphone. It's the in thing" Show me a model that I can show off to my friends at parties. One of those "Super-Dooper-Diamond-Studded" phones look nice
Shop Keeper: Can you take pictures?
Customer: Aab iss umer mein tasveerin ley ker kiya ker na
Shop Keeper: Do you need to check your email?
Customer: Female? yes yes beta, Mein Female hi hoon.
Shop Keeper: -_-; Do you know how to SMS?
Customer: yeh EssEmmEss kiya hota hai beta
Shop Keeper: Can you call?
Customer: Haan! Beti ney sikhaya tha, show me that phone?
Shop Keeper: Here... why?
Customer: Beti ney bola tha, pehley red button press kero, phir 1 press kero beti ko call kerney key leay, phir green button press kero aur kaan se laga lo. Arrey, woh toou toou nehi baj raha.
Shop Keeper: Here, give me that. You qualify for our "Can-Barely-Use-The-Damn-Thing" line of phones. Thank You for shopping.
There you go. With such protocols in check, everyone will have a phone they deserve.
On a slightly unrelated note, my uncle just got a state of the art Alienware M17, for Accountancy Work. WTH Man?
Edit: In case you don't know, an Alienware M17 is a high end gaming laptop. Superfast, awesome display, humongous hard drive capacity. And it's being used to run MS Excel and MS Word
5 comments :
'See, like last week Saniya's daddy got her a totally new phone and she's been showing it off like it's her own, and it's like totally pissing me off!'
Hahaha!!!
You made us laugh.
You are the king for now.
O_O
XD
* gives into temptation *
"...ill the king, the king is dead,
long live the king, I. AM. THE. KING!"
@Een/Ally, you say as if that's a rare occurrence.
@Ali, That's a true story, minus the name.
HAHAHAHAHA the illiterate and teeny bopper ones were hilarious, I loved the post!
@Maryam
Loads more idiotic posts in the archives, and loads more to come. Stay Tuned
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