Of Being Sold To Slavery

Okay, so a few days ago I was whining about being intellectually thirsty.

Well today the school's Regional Administrator called me. They're making some brochure and wanted me to compile it because they've "seen" my newsletters and I'm an alumni.

So, I went there to see what they wanted. So, turns out, I'll be Assisting the Regional Administrator Rehman Amjad. So my designation is A.R.A.R.A.

Kash his name had Ghaffur Illyas in it, then I'll be A.R.A.R.A.G.I.

If anyone here watches the awesome show called Bakemonogatari here, they'll get this pun/joke/lame attempt at humor

Randomness aside, this still doesn't solve much. Since it's a top secret project and I'm supposed to keep my lips sealed. So I'm supposed to be in an isolated room in school. Oh well. And it's supposed to be for free. They expect that I should be happy that I'm getting my name published in print. I wouldn't mind a cheque instead of my name being published...

Oh yeah. When I was coming back from the RO. I stopped by this bakery and these two Japani Khawateen were there. One was as old as my grandma, the other younger. The older one knew urdu and was conversing with the bakery wala. So, after carefully eavesdropping and confirming that they were Japanese, I went up and (in my barely acceptable and somewhat broken Japanese) asked them if they were from Japan. We exchanged pleasantries and the younger one (who's still older than my mom) seemed quite impressed by the effort I was making and wished me good luck and hoped I get my wish to visit Japan some day fulfilled. All this time the bakery wala was giving me a dirty look. Oh well. Just goes to show you that not all Japanese people are petty and insane. Majority of them are quite nice. 3 to 1 odds prove that.

Cheers.

This Sub-Par Blog Post has been made possible by Ali Abdul Muhammad's constant distraction.

Of My New Years Resolutions

My New Years Resolution will be 1024 by 786

No, seriously though, Here's the what I resolve I shall do in 2010 (since, if I started thinking like an idiot we have only two more years to live...)

01. Minimal Procrastination. I shall try my best to get things done as soon as possible. Which is why I'm writing my NYR on the second of January

02. More Blogging and Micro Blogging. Hey, I'm starting uni this year so naturally I'll have a lot more going on. I'll integrate the twitter account in a few days once I figure out how to blabber in 140 characters or less.

03. I will abide by my word. I will put up post-its so that I don't forget.

04. I will put in extra effort to make my friends smile. (currently the count is at 2 and both should know who they are)

05. This one is important. I will adopt a temporary personality quirk for each month. I got this idea from this running joke I had going on with an Urdu Sir at work. Each month we'd have a new handshake. And they used to get crazy at times. So for this month I shall call out bakery product's names instead of swears when I want to swear. Only catch, the product must start with the same first letter as the swear.

06. I will rekindle my love for snail mail. You have to reply if you get one.

07. I shall make the spider wall a reality. The plans have been sitting in my journal for the last few years.

08. I shall help out when asked. I shall butt in without being asked. I shall help out without being asked if I feel the situation can be improved. In a nutshell. I'm going to be as nosy and "helpful" this year as I was last year.

09. I shall use my Moleskine which I finished making today regularly to keep me on track. And I shall make a new one when it's about to finish.

10. I shall try and maintain a 2.8 or higher GPA (fee concessions baby!)

11. I am still going to be semi-anonymous on my blog. As it is, I've made it super easy for anyone to track me. Meh.

12. I'll pick up learning Japanese again.

So that's all I can think of at the moment. Yay!

Of Google Woes

Google is lame. For a while now, if you were to click on the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button without typing anything, it would show you a count-down that was supposed to end at New Years.

People gave it alot of speculation. Admittedly I was interested in it too. Turns out it's nothing more that randomly spawning Happy New Year all over the web page. Bah! Google People, you're Google, do something cool!

Of &*%$£"

Before I rant, I'll do you all a favor. Don't read this. I've written this to get it out of my system, since whenever I start to write I usually segue (pronounced segway) to this topic. So, obvious solution was to whine and get over it.

Here it goes, last chance to skip to another post.

11 awful months. That's the time I've been forced to live in social isolation. And by now it's really taking its toll on me. A couple of weeks ago I realized that I'm actually out of practice when it comes to vocal conversations. I'm not exaggerating or blowing things out of proportion here, I really do sound like a half-dead intermediate student who got his education from an urdu-medium low grade school. And I stutter... I never stutter.

After quitting my job, I went into this isolation to focus on my A-Levels, since it was my last chance to get out of this pit I fell head first into ages ago. Then it was because I had to prepare for my University Placement Test. And since my previous bosses knew about it, they refused to give me a recommendation were I to apply for any job. I was to "focus on my future."

Having too much time on your hands is a curse. Your friends grow sick and tired of putting up with you since they, unlike you, have a life. You pretty much do every entertaining activity under the sun. I've re-watched all the completed titles in my anime collection, watched every decent TV show out there, made an effing huge dragon, making a second one, made over 2000 cranes, argh!!

Do get this straight,
Writing isn't the same as talking.
Reading isn't the same as talking.

I'm tired of talking to the same 4 people (and the occasional shopkeeper)

I want to yell, scream, punch stuff, set other stuff on fire and wreak havoc on puny mortals.

Heck, even that blond principal at school won't let me help out, and I was offering for free. WHO DOESN'T LIKE QUALITY HELP FOR FREE? (yes, my desperation has reached the point where I'm willing to do the same job, that i bitched about, for free)

In conclusion, my intellectual thirst is very very thirsty!

Of Living in Style.

I admit it myself that some of my ideas are absurd and possibly borderline insane. I admit that quite openly too.

So, for the sake of writing this down so that I don't forget when the time comes, I'm going to ramble about what I consider my perfect house. Hey, this blog isn't just for your enjoyment but a way for me to keep track of what I've been up to, so that when I'm old, senile and pathetic I can read this and go "Whoever wrote this was a genius, wish I could meet him!"

See, a week ago (when my laptop's AC adaptor was fried) I was texting a friend during the wee hours of the night and her parting words were about how she'd love to live in an apartment with a dog and a something (I lost the message...) Umm.. yeah, a dog and a turtle (just asked her).. So where was I, yeah, apartment with a dog and turtle with monochrome pictures hanging on the walls etc. Basically the makings of a quaint place to relax in.

Being sleepy and a moron, I thought a house with trick doors and stuff would be cool. Now that I'm awake, I find that idea to be awesome

I mean, you've all seen movies with houses having trap doors and dungeons in them, and there are a few houses in reality that had the same traits (even the one where the owner was either a psychotic loon, or a serial murderer)

I want a house where long corridors end in dead ends with realistic looking doors painted on them. A guest entertainment room for those certain guests I hate meeting which will have a giant spiral on the roof running all the way down to the floor (repeating patterns, esp spirals cause dizziness.) Random doors that have the door knob next to the hinge. Doors stuck on walls with working knobs.

Okay, so that paragraph above ensures none of you will show up on my imaginary house-warming party. But, if I ever do have the money to burn, I'd definitely try the long corridor one. or the door stuck in a wall.

Anyways. That's all my rambling for now.

Of The Idiot Maid

Yesterday, the most fucked up thing happened. The Maid brought home a marriage proposal for me.

Lets recount the string of events that led up to yesterday.

The maid works at a couple other houses apart from ours. And as luck would have it, one such house has got a mother with two "eligible" young daughters. They're doing their second year of uni and inter respectively. So, after exhausting all the bachelors in her family (immediate, extended, and assumed.) She turns to Super Maid for help.

Our maid, being a blabbermouth had already told said woman (whom we shall call Aunty Something Silly) about our family. So, A.S.S. decided to send word through the maid to mum to find a bachelor for her daughter. Mum told the maid to tell A.S.S. to use shaadi online or something similar to help.

Finally yesterday. Yesterday was off on account of Karachi's personal tsunami shield, Abdullah Shah Ghazi. So, yesterday, the maid comes and tells mum that A.S.S. didn't want just any bachelor, but Mum's son.

Mum gave the maid the you-must-be-high look and told her that A.S.S. is insane.

Anyways, today the maid, upon nani's questioning the maid coughed up details of A.S.S's family. The daughters are super-bloated... so no oppertunity lost there.

Oh and also today, the maid and nani are convinced that, because of the heavy rains 4-5 months ago, the floor of nani's room is no longer flat but bumpy. We ended up rolling balls and toy cars from the supposed bump... and to our surprise, there wasn't one!

Atleast this time it's something mundane, and not scary like the ghost our maid used to see in nani's room (and subsequently nani could see it too)

Of My Blog Learnt a New Trick

Okay, you can stop playing dead now...

So, recently... or maybe not so recently, I went to give my KIET interview. Before doing so, I taught my blog one new trick, playing dead.

Anyways, I'm proud to announce that I've been accepted at both Sir Syed and PAF KIET.

Of a New Way To Boost Morale

Ladies and Gents, I cleared the PAF KIET Entrance Test.

Interview's tomorrow. KIET announced the results online. And instead of giving you a list of everyone who cleared it, they ask for your Admission Form number and then tell you if you've cleared the test or not.

So, Mom's been really excited about the whole thing. And, in order to boost my confidence, or to get me to meet new friends, she's been inputting various numbers into the search thingy to find out who's going to be in the room with me. And my adorable sister suggested that they both find those people on FaceBook so I know what my competition/future friend looks like.

I mean, I can totally picture myself standing up and asking if there's a Syed Hassan Ali in the room (one of the numbers mum "tested"), and then complimenting him on his artful choice for a display picture. Probably followed by some advice about the latest problem he put up in his status message... right. I don't know about making friends, but this would definitely freak people out.

Anyways, so far Mum's gone through 10 roll numbers and located three "friends" for me.

In case you're wondering, the stalker gene runs in the family.

Cheers. Pray I ace the interview.

Of a Personal Space Bubble

Okay, so I was out a while back getting flat-bread and I had the strangest experience. Now, this certain experience is usually expected to occur when you're travelling in a bus. But with a roti-wala?

So, I'm standing minding my own business and this asshole with pointy man-boobs and a hard-on squeezes behind me. And those three points start prodding me. Now, I didn't know at that time how old the guy was and if he was doing this on purpose or someone was shoving. So, being a nice guy, I ignored it. The man in front of me had an orphanage to feed with the 30 rotis he ordered. Then came a waiter from the nearby dhaba. The roti-wala gives preference to this dhaba and he can literally nick the rotis before we can even touch them. So he started stealing rotis. Now combined with the tri-poke from behind, this was getting on my nerves. So I turned around to see the happy-faggot and he turns out to be some dude in his late 20s... okay... and there's no one behind him... I yell "FAG! QUIT IT" (yes, in English) and proceeded to aggressively get the roti and come home. (Yes, you can laugh)

This experience reminds me of another experience that in my view was far worse.

Week or so back, I finally shaved for some reason. That evening, I went to our local video-wala to rent "The Surrogates" (They should retire Bruce Willis.) Before I could rent out the movie and watch it from the comfortable chair in my room, the video-wala decided to give me some facial grooming tips. He went on and on about how "safety razors are haram and if you want to shave you should get those hair-clippers and use them, because razors will make your beard stiff and if you use the clippers my beard will be baby-soft and you should touch my beard to see what I mean.." wait, what?? Yes, he wanted me to touch his beard. OMGWTF He insisted I touch his beard, and not be shy about it. Suffice to say, I went to the shop next door and ended up buying the movie for twice what I pay to rent it.

I don't know about you, dear readers, but I for one, don't like touching other people for no damn reason. A handshake is pretty much it for me.

Tomorrow I go to Sunday Bazaar.

Of Entrance Tests

I'm finally done with my two entrance tests.

Yesterday was a colleague's wedding/reception/something with food involved. It's strange how people look different when they're about to be married.

Anyhoo. My entrance tests are done, so now I go and read One Piece and then sleep.