Of A Cooler Dracula.

This shall, but most likely not, scare you.

Longer Version which makes more sense: Here

Of: "Catwoman, Catwoman, Stops Rapists like a Fat Woman Can"

Educate yourselves. This is Lollywood at its finest.

Of an Earthly Time

EARTH HOUR??

Are you fucking kidding? Why should we turn off our light. Fuck you media, and a hearty Fuck You to every single prissy Karachi-ite who actually took part in this event.

Reading all these Earth Hour Experience posts really boils my blood.

At first we thought of really turning off ALL of the appliances as well including our laptops. It made me think twice when I found out we only had 2 small candles in the house. We have been living in Davao for almost a year now and had only experienced blackout once; and so I never really thought of writing down candles as part of my grocery list. Note to self : Buy candles..lots of them!

Are you kidding me woman? You have only two candles? We live on candles and petrol.

And on their website was this:

Earth Hour Pakistan

Pakistan’s cities will be a focus this year for Earth Hour, as it continues to spread its positive message about the importance of energy saving.

Thousands of people around Pakistan, will be coming together in support of this global warming awareness initiative.

In 2009, millions of people from all walks of life will join together for Earth Hour and show the world that it’s possible to take action on global warming.

Come on Pakistan, join us for Earth Hour 2009, turn off your lights at 8.30pm Saturday 28 March and sign-up here at earthhour.org.

The last line irks me the most. Stupid whoever-you-are try, living in Pakistan for a week. We can fill your bloody worldly quota in 6 months.

See, KESC is two steps ahead of you. They celebrate Earth Hour every day ranging from 5 times to 12 times a day. As retaliation, we burn fossil fuels and release partially-burnt Hyrdo-Carbons into the atmosphere. So, you Earth Hour Folk. If you really do care about the environment, how about giving us (Pakistan) a dozen Nuclear Power Plants. See, if we have power, we won't consume so much petrol trying to run our huge ass generators.

So, think about it before you do something stupid like this again.

Of Tall Tales Told by a Teacher.

One of the teachers at school called in on yesterday and told the office that she won't be coming in as her husband was involved in a very bad car accident on the highway. One of her colleagues filled in the blanks. Husband dear was coming from Hyderabad along with a friend at around 4 A.M. Somewhere near Karachi, the car got slammed by a truck. The friend died on the spot, the husband went into severe shock with some broken bones or something.

So, naturally when mum told me about this I knew I might just have to do some more charity work. >.<

Coincidentally, that night, mum felt she should call up her colleague and give her best regards. However, colleague's cell was switched off. So, she called up the woman's best saheli (who for the record doesn't work for our school anymore. She got into some high-fi school teaching older kids)

Lo behold! Best Saheli was utterly confused about the husband predicament. Turns out, she was sitting right with them in a hut at Manora. They had just come back from a day of crabbing and boating.

The nerve of some people! They have no moral decency. You killed your husband's friend, and sent your husband halfway to meet him, just so you could go to Manora?

Today, when people confronted her, she fed them another bullshit story: "He came out of shock so I took him along with my friends to Manora to recuperate." Right, and Madam Pomfrey came and gave your husband healing potions to mend his bones right?

Sheesh. Stupid Woman.

Of My Lucky Star -2

So yesterday was horrible. However! I did manage to fix things with Lucky Star (I make him/her/it sound like a cheap cinema no?) Whining and grovelling were involved. Whatever the case, things got fixed.

Now I shall go Doot-doot-do-do-do and touch my enemies to death. Hey, it's an inviting prospect! I'll get extra lives for every enemy after the 4th one.

Of My Lucky Star

I recently found out that I have a lucky star. Not the astrology thing, but an actual person.

Well... I fucked up and my lucky star is angry at me. It was my fault entirely too. And now, I've just spent the shittiest possible 24 hours since then.

1. I got my cellphone confiscated,
2. I got food poisoning,
3. I woke up today with a really bummed left arm.
   
4. I banged my knee in a drawer (those things are on thigh level! How in hell even I don't know)
5. I got a couple of grand from that teacher who asked me to take over her classes and I was made to return the envelope

If this keeps up, I'll probably fall down the stairs, develop amnesia, and get kicked out of the house... hey! I'm just extrapolating, as it is, I'm walking like one of the undead, so why stop there, Undead Hobo? Undead Homeless Hobo who Fell down some stairs?

Haye, I'm depressed now.

Lucky Star, if you're reading this, I'm sorry! I was an ass... No excuse there... I know I suck... Sorry naa! Forgiveness please? :)

I was going through Cyanide and Happiness archives and came across this strip:

And people flip out when I spoof something. Sheesh. Don't give me a reason to spoof.

Of Something Political

So, I was watching the news today, and dayum! The 9 PM headlines are frigging awesome!

So, anyone who lives in Pakistan knows that the country is a dozen or so steps away from collapse. Which brings us to Headline 1: Nawaz Sharif and Yousuf Gillani began talks today. Back story to all the non-Pakistanis/those who don't follow the news/Anthony. Yousuf Bhai is the Prime Minister, Asif Zardari is the President. Nawaz Sharif is the ex P.M. who doesn't approve of Asif Zardari (Well, you'd have to question your sanity if you did... the guy's been jailed; exiled; declared a mentally unstable person; and suspected in assassinating his wife, who was also an ex P.M.) So, today they had peace talks, since Nawaz Sharif was rallying people against Zardari since God knows when. Now, the part of the convo shown on the TV basically shows the IQ level of our leaders... Yes! The conversation devolved from "... and because of the reinstatement of the Chief Justice we are seeing eye to eye" ---to---> "...Gillani Bhai is like the batsman, and I am the bowler. He needs to bat properly and I need to bowl, so that the public enjoys it"

(well, most of the public will actually understand this since Pakistani's are cricket-whores. . . . wait, wasn't our national sport "Hockey")

Headline 2 was more like a kick in the crotch. The Indian-Something-or-the-Other said "If Pakistan doesn't solve the mess they're in, they'll become a failed democracy!" Gee thanks, Mr. Indian-Something-or-the-Other, not only are we perfectly aware of what's happening in our country, but now even you've pointed out the obvious.

Quick! Someone activate the Marshal Law Signal! After which, we shall all sing "Tana-nana-naaa-naaa Marshal!!! Tana-nana-naaa-naaa Marshal!!!
(If you don't get the reference you suck! Click "reference" to get it)

Of a Valima Like None Before

Valima's are big events. Ones that the Groom's family throws because they got a daughter-in-law (slave, if your education is limited to Indian Dramas... Paki ones are horrible at teaching anything)

I don't get why mum made such a huge deal on the whole thing. We don't even get along with our neighbours. . . well, we don't get along with any of them.

Clockwise from our Right:
Neighbor 1 (Right): Illiterate family living on the first floor, adept at calling us names, swearing and throwing garbage.
Neighbour 2(Back-Right): Land grabbing bastard. Part of his house is built on our land, and then built a storehouse right in front of our window thus mostly blocking the sun from one room.
Neighbour 3(Back-Left): We get along with them kinda, just that matter with their hired help working overtime as a Peeping Tom threw a wrench in things.
Neighbour 4(Left): Ultra-Preachy woman, ultra Islamic with deep ties in the Pakistani Ninja Federation (Hijab wearing women who pile up in a van and then deploy like a huge angry black cloud) And the husband's brother who lives with them has an Evil Eye. He complimented on how we salvaged our driveway from the CBC (who dug up the entire road and destroyed it in the process) Two days later PTCL guys came along and dug up our driveway to lay down underground cables! Then he once complimented on our shiny new generator and a week later, the turbine melted away and turned it into a pile of scrap metal... shiny scrap metal.

Back to the topic. The Valima was in the afternoon, because, the son married an American girl. Now, in a family that consists of only big obese bearded men, and hijab wearing women this is the event of a lifetime. Suffice to say, the event was quite interesting. They segregated the males and females. The Males themselves segregated into Old Beaded Men and Dashing People from New Jersey. I guess the females did the same. Also, they piled up 25-30 people in a living room meant to hold only 15 at maximum. I am guessing the Ladies Zone was much more cramped.

For food, we got Biryani with undercooked rice and questionable looking Quorma.

According to Mum, the bride's got a face like a horse. And since I've never seen her face, I Googled up an appropriate picture
Okay, maybe not. But who knows what a Ghorey-Jaise-Shakal is.

Whatever the case. I walked out after eating a couple spoonfuls of undercooked biryani rice.

Of Meat! and Other Super-cool stuff.

The 6 working days are over! I can finally spend the money on Booze and Coke... wait, that's not what I do... must be channeling some weird teenage spirit.

Met with Shahrukh and roamed around Forum for an hour, while we recounted all the exciting stuff that's happened in our lives, (Since we lead such boring lives, a lot of them were repetitions) and also saw this on the floor:The awkward feeling sets in when you are reading the sign above on the floor and you look up and see an obese uncle/aunty walking in front of you while you're trying to register what you just read. Mentally (Let alone physically) unbuttoning obese uncles and aunties isn't fun, (unless you happen to be Innocence Smasher)

So, once that was done, and we got really tired of walking continuously on our jogging track (Forum, First Floor) We sat in a Rickshaw like men, and drove into the sunset... or maybe Zamzama.

After waiting for 5 to 10 centuries, I got a steak! It was delicious! Well, the entire thing was fun, but, I cannot spill the beans of this said meetup since we touched topics that aren't to be revealed. What I can tell you is that Arizona has some disturbing artwork on its walls. Specifically:The ladies were all facing away from said artwork. We both however, could see it clearly. The perspective is totally wrong! why is the clarinet guy sitting on the pianist's lap? Why does it scream inappropriate? Why is a hand (I dare not say whose for fear of getting disemboweled) trying to touch the pianist's hand? Too many questions!

Then we all shoved ourselves in Omer's (Shani's frand) car and went home. Hope we didn't freak you out... a lot, Omer!

Now, back home another story unfolded! Our neighbours are having a valima tomorrow (Valima's like an after party held by the groom's family a day after the wedding)

Guess what? Its in the afternoon! What the hell?

Anyways, expect a rant once I come back... if the valima is annoying enough. I shall go read the compositions I have to check. :(