Of Yet Another Riddle

How do Pirates check their e-mail when they are at sea?

They use their G.P.Arrrrr.S. enabled Aye-Phones!

Of Still Another Riddle

How do Pirates check their e-mail when they are on land?

They be using their Computarrrrs!

Of Another Riddle

How do Pirates stay in touch with their loved ones when the are at sea?

They call them up on their Aye-Phones

Of A Riddle

Why are Pirates called Pirates?

Because they just Arrrr!

Of Loneliness

And the doll said:

I'm So Lonely! :'(

Of Hidden Suprises

Today we had a workshop on First Aid and CPR.

The conductor was a woman who had serious issues. She taught us how to give first aid treatment to an unconscious person and if push comes to shove, how to attempt C.P.R

The C.P.R. Dummy was the creepiest. It looked like a normal male with short wavy hair and a moustache. When she opened his jacket, he had boobs.

Yep, a hermaphrodite lost conciousness and you have to resuscitate him/her.

Imagine the creepy weirdness washing over you when you are compressing an endowed (wo)man's boobs, and then end up giving mouth-to-mouth to a moustached guy, and out of the corner of your eye, you see his(her?) chest rising.

Feel like screaming?

ARGH!!

P.s. The Instructor was like "If you are compressing the chest, and you hear a rib snap. You are not going to stop. No matter how many ribs snap you will not stop" So basically, the person has 1 in 3 chance of living. Either he's going to die if nothing happens to him, or he's going to die because you mashed up his ribcage pounding his chest. Woooo!

Of Sickness and Delirious Thinking

Today I stayed home cause my health caught up to me. Been sleeping since god knows when.

I should really stop working so hard. I mean, looking at my paycheck all the excess work I do is just charity. And as they say "bhalai ka zamana hi nehi raha"

So yeah. Bottom line, I worked my ass off till i was delirious with exhaustion.

*Skip to Today*

I saw Spider-Man 3.

Do not get me started on how fucked the movie was. I being a die hard fan of the comics, was disappointed in the movie. Stupid excuse to make money.

In my pissed off mood, I began wondering what would it be like if Spider-Man was a Paki Superhero.

Judging by the state of this country, he'd be a a villain. Not a super-villain, mind... A petty mobile snatcher. He'd stalk you till you turn into a dark alley and then slowly lower himself from the rooftop, something like:
Only, he won't kiss you. He'll say "Saaley, Mobile, wallet nikal aagar jaan piyari hai." If you resist, he's gonna hang you from the broken smelly lamp-post, and beat you, and then take your money and your mobile.

Like all superheroes, he has a weakness.

Phase 8.

See, Phase 8 is still in the development stages. There are no buildings as such. Only an odd house placed in he middle of nowhere every few blocks or so. Hence not that many things for Spider-Man to web-swing off.

Of Blind Old People

Eid's passed and Without much event. The Ruhat-e-Hilal committee is a step away from total blindness. As you can see, they've already gone senile.

Yep. This Chand Raat was the best ever! Till 11 PM, no one actually knew that the next day was Eid. Half the shops had closed down, households went to sleep after preparing for another Roza.

I hop you can all read the text with the picture. In case you cannot:

EYES WIDE SHUT? The Ramazan moon was not sighted by the Ruet-e-Hilal committee on Wednesday. The elderly gentleman who is using the telescope to spot the moon has his left eye (which is on the apparatus) closed, while the right eye, which is meant to be closed is open. Hmmm - The News Photo


So yeah, It had to be the best Chaand Raat ever. Till 11 o' Clock, no-one even knew it was Chaand Raat.

(On a side note, is it just me or does the telescope look a lot like one of those Road Levelling thingys that the C.B.C. uses?)

Of Bleeding Cakes and Guilt Trips

Stabbing the cake after midnight?
I felt like I was killing her birthday.
Happy Birthday Aisha. I hope you enjoy the presents at the least.

Why did it make her laugh?

and that no one figures out this hidden text's existence. * high-five *

I am not a bad cake-stabber. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.*stab* *stab* *stab*

Of Revivals and Returns

So, I've been away from Blogger for quite a while.

I know, you haven't asked me to explain why I was away, or why I am telling you I was away.

See, my work-load increased exponentially so I had no time as such to come online and be cynical. One thing led to another and I saw myself in an alternate dimension... a dimension of Despair!

* plays dramatic music *

So, lets say, my life caught up to me, and well, that shoved me down a dark dark road. I mean, considering everything going around me, I've come to realise the futility of one's actions. There is no such thing as karmic-justice. There are people who practically screwed me over, yet there is no balance. While I slog away on a daily basis, they sit on their thrones drinking ambrosia.

And, to every dumbass who will (eventually if not already) tell me people go through shit all the time. Sympathy is not required. See, no offence (not entirely true but hey...) you cannot fathom my state so pretending to understand is pissing off.

I am just uniting what has been set asunder.

Anyways, I'm back now. And there are pictures dying to be ridiculed.

I am back.

Come Hell-fire or Nightmares. I shall be victorious.