Of Eid

Belated Eid Mubarak to you all.

If you know me, I really do wish you all Eid Mubarak, since it's the only time of the year when poor unemployed people like us get any money (not counting the 200 bucks a month "pocket money")

Okay, that aside. Eid was horrible. Apart from the cheapskate relatives who won't cough up dough (yes, when it comes to Eid I am as greedy as a 10 year old... moving along) and the ones who cast you dirty looks because they don't approve your existence for a number of reasons, I really don't get why people focus on food.

Pakistanis have nothing better to do than eat. We call Americans fat, since they - well - are! But we obsess over food like anything. Whenever someone comes over to visit, we feed them. Lavish 72 dish courses with so many intermingled aromas that you're confused if you're looking at 72 different dishes or someone took those 72 dishes, dumped them into one cauldron, gave a quick whisk and plated them in 72 plates/bowls. Hey, if I ever find myself in a similar situation, and I absolutely have to feed guests, I'd go grab a few snack-packs of biscuits and give them cold water to down them.

I'm sick. I was horribly sick on Eid day, and my parents feel the need to keep appearances. That means, that I have to tag along to Aunty Farkhunda's house sit in a corner with a pale face ready to fall asleep. I don't get labelled "Biohazard - Keep Clear" because I'm sick. Instead I am "Attitude Bunny - Ill Mannered Asshole"

Then comes the food. "Beta, why don't you eat?"

I have the flu. My throat's practically closed up with mucus. I have trouble breathing, let alone talking. Yet people don't get it. Have a spicy kebab. How about a glass of ice cold Pepsi.

Dare refuse them 15 times consecutively and the entire family, from 2 year old Tipu to 80 year old, one legged Nana Jan, start chanting: "EAT! EAT! EAT! EAT! EAT! EAT! EAT! EAT!"

They have home base advantage in that situation.

When they're visiting, and we have home base advantage, it's still the same. However this time around they guilt you into eating.

"Look at him, he's not eating. We feel bad stuffing ourselves while he sits there eating. What happened beta, mommy starving you to death? Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat."

or

"Why isn't he eating? Did you poison the cake? Did he poison the cake? (laughs) Eat beta, Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat."

CUT ME A BREAK!
(sadly in my current state it would be more like: "cu..*cough* t..me *cough* *cough* *hack* *wheeze* a.....*)